#unfiltered #9 Living to Eat – Supporting the Service Industry, Fine Dining Musings, Restaurant Selection Criteria, Tipping, and the Notebook

I had originally planned to write this post back in February, but when the coronavirus came crashing in 6th gear, I thought it would have been unwise to urge you, friends and family to venture beyond your doorstep. So this post fell into the depths of despair, hoping to find its way to center stage after we were on the road to recovery and when restaurants reopened.

But yesterday, over a Zoom call, in catching up with a fellow foodie and college buddy, he suggested that I still post this. Not to urge people to eat out. But as a voice to support the many struggling restaurants, cafés and bars out there – many of which include our personal favorites. Before I dive into this post, I want to explicitly note 2 disclaimers:

Disclaimer 1: As I mentioned above, this post is not written to incentivize you to go eat out now, but rather just illustrate my musings as someone who loves food. And as many other businesses are feeling the brunt of the impact in the status quo, the culinary industry is no exception. Your favorite restaurant yesterday may not exist tomorrow. And you won’t even be able to experiment with any of the below musings if we don’t put a hand out now and support them when they need us most.

Disclaimer 2: I am neither a professional chef/cook nor is my trade being a food critic. So take what I say with a grain of salt, as with anything I write. Below is merely my observations in one of my most expensive hobbies as a foodie.

Given the extravagant length of this post, here’s a TL;DR:

• Why I don’t resort to Yelp/Google when picking a new dinner destination
  • And a couple of my favorite restaurants in the Bay Area
• My calculus for tipping – and why there are times I choose to not tip
• Why a notebook may be your best friend in your culinary adventures

Picking where to go

I’m going to start off by saying: I’m not the biggest fan of Yelp or Google reviews. (Sorry to my friends at Yelp and Google) There’s nothing wrong with each respective platform in itself, but frankly, there’s just too much noise on the aforementioned platforms.

Why? Everyone’s expectation or a 5-star experience is different. The same goes for 4-star. 3-star. And so on. And because of such high variance in the population, I find it hard to benchmark the cumulative rating on there. My expectation and palate may just differ from everyone else’s. Just like some people rave about pineapple on pizza or durians. And some people just can’t stand it. There’s no right or wrong. It’s simply a delta in preference.

That’s why when picking a new establishment to have dinner at, I tend to find recommendations from foodie friends who have similar palates, professional chefs, Eater, or the Michelin Guide. I’m still playing around with Culture Trip, which I discovered from some of my local friends when I last visited Europe.

With the above, I’m, at least, able to retrace their recommendations to a decision-making matrix. I know fully well that each source has spent time, effort, and a pretty penny exploring local (and possibly global) optionality and honing their preferences. Realistically, most, if not all, of my sources are aware that there are more choices out there, even within their city of residence, than they have time/money to try. So, in choosing where to try, they have their own thesis for doing so. But more so, I know that each recommendation they end up giving me has gone through an extra layer of validation, on top of their already-selective bias. Though I don’t have to agree with each anchor in their calculus, I can use their recommendations as benchmarks to make my own decisions.

To take a step back, I will admit that there are a handful of times when I do find myself using Yelp or Google or Tripadvisor. And those times only exist when I’m visiting a new city/town where I don’t know any locals or travelers who frequent the area, and where they have yet to be put on the culinary map. And when I do use Yelp or Google, I focus my attention on the 3- and 4-star reviews since they are usually rather accurate in listing out the pros and cons of a place. On the same token, I discount the 5-star and 1-star reviews since they are often just biased, and I don’t get as holistic of a picture.

Of course, it would be unfair to end this section without revealing at least a few of my favorites in the Bay Area. If you have the time and dollar, I highly recommend checking out:

• Roka Akor – My all-time favorite Japanese steakhouse. While they have definitely mastered the flavors of Japan, they are rather innovative with their flavor and texture combinations. Namely, their Wagyu Sirloin with Grilled Bone Marrow. Every time I go, I also get their Tiger Shrimp Tempura. While they’re amazing themselves, the star of that show is the sweet chili aioli, which I save for the entire course of the meal to dip other meats into.
• Lupulandia Brewing – A recent addition to my list, recommended by a chef who trained his chops at a 3-star Michelin restaurant. Simple, but robust fatty flavors for one of my favorite comfort foods. My favorite two tacos are the Quesabirria (stewed beef and goat) and the Chicharron de Pescado (good ol’ fried fish). Keep in mind, you cannot possibly commit to a diet here.
• The Bird – They specialize in only one thing: fried chicken sandwiches. Although they offer a spicy version of their sandwiches, my tip is to stick with the original. Then get some of their homemade hot sauce and drizzle it over your sandwich. That way, you can tune the heat levels to your taste, but also I love the sensation of cold hot sauce on a piping hot sandwich.

Showing Appreciation

I’m not one to jump onto social media or any review platforms to leave a negative review. I’m sure there are plenty out there who have already committed to that cause. At the same time, I’m a huge fan of showing appreciation. There’s enough negativity in this world. And frankly, I believe we can do with a far lesser amount of it. I’d rather congratulate someone generously for performing well, than spend time nitpicking at someone’s flaws.I hope in doing so, people will capitalize on their strengths, instead of become disheartened about their weaknesses.

As we say in venture, “it’s not about the number of losses you’ve sustained, but about the magnitude of the wins you gained.” You can have 99 investments turn belly up, but if just 1 investment makes you 200x, you just doubled your investment.

There are two ways I show my gratitude: verbally and financially.

Whether it’s surprising to you or not, a ‘thank you’ goes a long way. Although the same holds true even outside the service industry. Tell your waiter/waitress if you truly enjoyed the meal or give your compliments to the chef. And spare no verbal expense in expressing your contentment with the meal and the experience. Even simple things like remembering your waiter/waitress’s name really makes an impact in their day, if not their week.

If you really loved the meal, go again. And the next time, ask if you could get a kitchen tour 10-15 minutes before or after your reservation. Moreover, don’t be shy. If a dish really stood out to you, let your waiter/waitress know. I go as far as to ask for the recipe sometimes.

What’s the worst that can happen? They say no.

What’s the best that can happen? You get the recipe for something you really enjoyed. Twice the chef even offered to teach me how to make it, which of course, I couldn’t say no to.

Of course, when I ask for such gestures, I am more than willing to tip extra for their time and efforts.

Financially

Tipping is typically offered in respect to the service and experience during a meal. There are times when the experience as a whole just isn’t satisfactory – like having hair in your food, or worse, I’ve gotten a metal wire stuck in my fish before. And I make a point by deducting from the tip. On the other hand, having friends and family who work in the industry, I know how painstaking work can be. So, when I am rewarded with a smile and a great experience at the end of the meal, I make a point monetarily by giving more than the industry baseline.

For lunch, 15% is my baseline; whereas for dinner, it’s 18%. For every small token of happiness I get from the experience, I add 1% to the tipping total. For a large gesture, like having the chef come out or a kitchen tour, I add 5%. Equally, which is admittedly much rarer, for each token of dissatisfaction, I deduct 2% from the tipping total. There have been times I tipped as much as 50% and as little as nothing. Although distribution-wise, the times I’ve tipped less than my baseline have anecdotally been less than 1% of all my foodie expeditions.

If you’re interested in thanking and supporting your local culinary scene, many of our favorite restaurants have shifted to a to-go/delivery model. There are many options out there. But I highly recommend, Tock, which I discovered a little over a year back, that’s helping higher-end restaurants maneuver this tough climate. You’ll realize many of its features are ones you’re familiar with in your favorite restaurant booking apps, but my favorite feature, by far, is their culinary personality quiz! Similarly, there are various other delivery options, like UberEats and DoorDash, out there – both to support your favorite establishments, as well as discover new culinary experiences.

Disclaimer 3: The team at Tock hasn’t paid or asked me to say any of that. It’s merely a personal fav!

The Notebook

This habit started when I began writing in my idea journal while waiting for the rest of my party to show up for our restaurant reservation. So for all intensive purposes, it was purely by serendipity when the notebook turned from coincidence to habit.

Though this wasn’t necessarily the case at each restaurant I went to, I began noticing a trend. I would show up 10-15 minutes before the time of my reservation (if I expected my dinner guests to be on time), or just 5 minutes before my reservation (if I expected my dinner guests to be a smidge late). As soon as I was seated, I would pulled out my black Leuchtturm sketchbook and started scribbling in it. Usually as a result of making sure I don’t forget any of my ideas I’ve accumulated while traversing to the restaurant. And in the process of looking up every once in a while to recollect my thoughts, I would catch the furtive glances in my direction by the waiting staff. Soon after, even before the rest of my party showed up, I would be getting increased attention and service by the waiter/waitress in charge of our table, which ranged from complimentary sparkling water to hors d’oeuvres to whiskey and chocolate pairings.

To address the elephant in the room, I say this not so that you can ‘game’ the system, but so that you can understand how serious they take service and the culinary experience at these restaurants. And of course, to thank them for their care, I usually tip generously (~30-40%).

But as I started experiencing better service, out of interest, I began taking notes in my journal on their acts of kindness and attentiveness – things I’m grateful for. The larger gestures were undoubtedly easier to notice and appreciate, but I can’t help but deeply admire the smaller gestures that I received, including, but not limited to:

• Remembering the names of my guests, whose names don’t appear on the reservation;
• Noticing that I’m a leftie, and placing my utensils on my left-hand side;
• Folding my cloth napkin for me, when I left the table to take a bio break;
• Great small talk;
• And, having the chef come talk to us as a surprise at the end of an amazing meal.

The more notes I took, the more cognizant and grateful I was for each culinary experience. The more I wrote, the more I noticed, and the more I’ve come to appreciate the intricacies of fine dining.

That said, I don’t have the capital or time to indulge in fine dining every day, or even every week. And a good Filet-o-Fish and 20-piece McNuggets from Micky D’s does hit the spot after an intensive work-out or as a midnight snack. So, it’s only because these fine dining experiences are a scarcity for me that they become a treat I always look forward to.

In Closing

Alas, my buddy once told me, “The more you get into something, the more of a snob you become.” Maybe I’ve gotten to that stage already, but rather I’d like to think I’ve found a sincere appreciation for the talents that reside in the culinary industry. Ending on a less “snobby” note, if you are able to show appreciation in some volume to the businesses and people who have made you smile during or after a meal at least once, please do.

Cover Photo by chuttersnap on Unsplash

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#unfiltered is a series where I share my raw thoughts and unfiltered commentary about anything and everything. It’s not designed to go down smoothly like the best cup of cappuccino you’ve ever had (although here‘s where I found mine), more like the lonely coffee bean still struggling to find its identity (which also may one day find its way into a more thesis-driven blogpost). Who knows? The possibilities are endless.

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