#unfiltered #30 Inspiration and Frustration – The Honest Answers From Some of the Most Resilient People Going through a World of Uncertainty

A few weeks ago, around the time I published Am I At My Best Right Now?, I started noticing more and more that my friends, colleagues, and people that I’ve met since were going through tough times. Two lost a family member. Some were laid off. Two were forced to leave this land I call home. Four broke up. Three burned out. Countless more told me they were stressed and/or depressed, and didn’t know how to escape this limbo. After I published that post, another handful of people also reached out and courageously shared the troubles they are going through now. How it’s been so hard to share with others. And yesterday, while editing this blog post, I found out that one of my high school friends had passed.

Inspiration and Frustration

During this time, I had a thought: Frustration is the absence of inspiration. There were many times in my own life when I was beating myself up because I couldn’t think of a solution. And a small percent of those times, I didn’t even bother to think of a solution since I was so engrossed in my frustration with myself.

In these unprecedented times and inspired by the conversations around me, I decided to show that we’re not alone. So, I asked people who I deeply respect and who could shed light as to what it means to be human. I asked just two questions, but they were only allowed to answer one of them:

1. What is the one thing that inspires you so much that it makes everything else in life much easier to bear?
2. What is stressing/frustrating you so much right now that it seems to invalidate everything else you’re doing?

In turn, they responded via email, text, or on a phone call. Of the 49 I asked, so far, 31 responded with their answers. 4 politely turned me down due to their busy schedules. Another one turned me down because she didn’t feel like she could offer value in her answer.

26 responded with what inspires them. 5 with what frustrates them. All of whom I know has been through adversity and back.

Admittedly, the hardest part about this study was how I was going to organize all these responses. Unlike the one about time allocation I did over a month ago, where I knew exactly how to organize the data before I even got all the responses, this one, I really didn’t know how to best illustrate the candor everyone shared. In fact, I would be doing a disservice to them, if reduced their honesty and courage to be vulnerable to mere numbers. So, in the end, below, I let everyone speak for themselves. Sometimes, simplicity is the best.

Thank you to everyone who contributed to making this blog post happen, including Brad Feld, Mars Aguirre, Shayan Mehdi, Thomas Owen, Chris Lyons, Mark Leon, Jamarr Lampart, Christen Nino De Guzman, Louis Q Tran, Sam Marelich, Dr. Kris Marsh, Quincy Huynh, DJ Welch, Jimmy Yue, and many, many more heroes who helped me and the world around us behind the curtains.

The preamble

Below, you may notice that some names were included and others were not. It’s all intentional. By default, I told each person I reached out to that I was going to abstract their name from their response. But if they wanted to, they had to ‘manually’ opt in for me to include their name. Not only that, I added in another layer of friction by having them read this blog post I put out earlier this year, before they allowed me to share their name.

Why?

1. To protect their privacy while still being able to share their thoughts with all of you.
2. And if they choose to opt in, they’re aware of the possible downsides.

I made it harder for them to say yes. A ‘yes’ required more time. And it required an additional layer of “Oh shit! This could happen”. Because this is such a vulnerable set of questions, I want to ensure the safety and the privacy of the people I ask more than I care about the content.

So, for everyone reading this post, thank you for understanding.

The thoughts shared below are in no particular order, but each, in their candor, made me smile and further motivated me to share this with all of you. I didn’t give anyone a word minimum or a maximum. Each is a standalone story into his/her inside world. Taking as few or as many words as each needed to share a world we may not know about with us.

Some may speak to you more than others. Some may make you cry. Others may make you laugh or smile. All that I ask is you read each with an open heart.

On inspiration…

1. The first hour of my day resets everything and reminds me why life is worth living. – Brad Feld, venture capitalist, blogger, author, founder
2. What can seem as a tragedy can be the biggest blessing. – Mars Aguirre, YouTuber, actress
3. All the drama / people problems never tarnish the excitement I have to learn about something new. – Venture capitalist
4. I don’t typically complain about life situations, but merely ask myself, “What am I going to do about it?” – Consultant, former FBI agent
5. My relationship with and love of my two adult children. – Venture capitalist
6. There’s no easy answer. You just have to go through it. I hear that muscles are formulated… by ripping and destroying it first, and then later through healing. I think it’s the same with growth. – Startup founder
7. Find your ‘ikigai’ which is the cross section between doing what you love, doing what you’re good at and how you can make money doing these 2 things together. – Shayan Mehdi, psychotherapist
8. Being alive in this magical universe is equal to a miracle. – Startup founder
9. To be human means we have natural weaknesses, but we have also been given many other strengths. – Thomas Owen, chef
10. Whatever struggle is in the future has one hell of an opponent in me. – Startup founder
11. Lucky to be able to do what I love. – Venture capitalist, angel investor
12. Life is about the adventure, the journey, and the wonder. It isn’t about bearing through to the end. – Mark Leon, talent acquisition executive, poet, blogger, editor-in-chief
13. I’ve always loved going into industries where I’m the one percent… There is a lot of opportunity for our voices to be heard and to have meaningful conversations. – Chris Lyons, venture capitalist, founder, music engineer
14. It’s having the benefit of perspective, and knowing, that even as sad and as difficult as these pressures are, it can get a lot worse but brighter skies are ahead. – Startup executive, founder
15. Prior pain makes latter joy all the more satisfying. – Jamarr Lampart, software engineer
16. Home is incredible and I will forever cherish these moments! – Christen Nino De Guzman, community manager, TikTok-er
17. Where after a hectic day, something simple as food or cooking is a delight and novel experience. – Louis Q Tran, nomad, engineer
18. Volatility is healthy. It brings new opportunities. An environment without systemic shocks becomes weak. It’s like a tree that has never seen a storm before. – Sam Marelich, managing partner at a recruiting agency
19. Giving to others is what inspires me most during these times. – Dr. Kris Marsh, sociology professor, author
20. You’ve got to struggle to enjoy. Like it’s only by struggling that you will enjoy the things in life. – Startup executive
21. There are a lot of things in life that are not within our control, so I think it’s important to take a hold of things that are. – Quincy Huynh, PhD student
22. When you’re bitter, you’re done. It’s like having a big ego. It stops you from being able to touch the creativity of the universe. […] You’re not making beautiful music anymore. You’re not telling beautiful stories and anger is going to slow you down and steal your focus. – DJ Welch, concept artist, animator, YouTuber
23. I think what inspires me the most right now is the feeling that I’ve been here before—sitting in front of a blank canvas and being a little lost. – Jimmy Yue, startup founder
24. As the great Chaplin said, “Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.” So if you feel that life is hard, it is just giving you more things to laugh about later on. – Auditor, dancer, photographer
25. Inspiration is only appreciated, once you have been crushed by the hands of your ignorance. – Startup founder
26. That guarantee of homeostatic positioning is what allows me bear any burden, for as anything extraordinary in life, it too shall pass. – Recent graduate, cancer survivor

On frustration…

1. As a society we’ve become so focused on what divides us that we are forgetting what unites us. – Startup founder
2. People seem to be more divided than ever, and we have not learned the lessons of the past. – Writer
3. With anything you choose to do, there will be good and bad, and with COVID, at least I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. – Medical student
4. It’s hard to keep doing the work to finish strong when I keep asking myself what it’s all for. – Researcher, adjunct professor
5. Airplanes always take off against the wind; after that, the skies are yours. – Pilot, flight instructor

Inspiration

What is the one thing that inspires you so much that it makes everything else in life much easier to bear?

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The first hour

“I have dramatically changed my morning routine in the time of Covid. Since I’m with my wife Amy Batchelor every day, I now wake up, brush my teeth, meditate, and then have a cup of coffee with her for 15 to 30 minutes. When it’s warm enough we do it outside; when it’s not, we look out the window together. The first hour of my day resets everything and reminds me why life is worth living.”

– Brad Feld, venture capitalist, author, blogger, founder

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Tragedy as a blessing

“I do not survive anymore. I live. So even if the worst thing happened to me right now, I create a system to always find that specific grain of salt that is worth it, or that adds to my life. So, there is no one thing that inspires me or fuels me to go past many things. It’s just looking at those experiences as experiences and gathering the best out of them. What can seem as a tragedy can be the biggest blessing.

“My dad passed away when I was a 7. My life with my dad would be so different if I had him around. But it shaped me to have a personality I’m really proud of. If it wasn’t for that, which was painful, really painful, I would not be the person I am now and would hate that.

“I wouldn’t have chosen it any other way. I am very happy that my dad passed away when I was 7. My dad was very much of a businessman and made a lot of money. He was very well established in the society when I was around. And… every girl that had a very similar dad in their life; I’m disgusted by them. I would never want to be in their shoes. Not with them in particular, but the idea of having someone like that.

“That made me so mature, and that forced me to grow up and take action at a very young age. That created a chain reaction – to be accountable. My sister and I were very young and had to work. We were raised as teens, and knew our mom was not our sponsorship.

“I have put YouTube money into the family business. My sister, through her make-up business, put money into the family business. We are a team.”

– Mars Aguirre, YouTuber, actress

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Love and learning

“Knowing that I am loved by others and loving them back is pretty inspiring to me. Provides a lot of emotional safety.”

On work, “I am just curious to learn more about people / new ideas / cool businesses. All the drama / people problems never tarnish the excitement I have to learn about something new 🙂 “

– Venture capitalist

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Children and Learning

“Watching my children grow into fantastic contributors to our society while being self sufficient and independent. They are both in their early 20s and know how to ‘lean in’ to accomplish their goals and form great healthy relationships in their lives. 

“Also as an add on… I don’t view life as something to ‘bear’. I have found every event to be something to experience and learn/grow from. Some events can be more challenging than others and the tempo of change will ebb and flow over time as well. I don’t typically complain about life situations, but merely ask myself, ‘What am I going to do about it?’ “

– Consultant, former FBI agent

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Love

“My relationship with and love of my two adult children.”

– Venture capitalist

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The fragility and strength of humans

“I wouldn’t call it an inspiration per se, but I think about how little it all matters. In this universe, you know, living in this pale blue dot, I’m not even a speck of a speck. If you think about it, human lives are so fragile that 1 million people perished this year from coronavirus, and largely due to stupidity, ineptitude, and plain bad luck.

“We matter so little in the grand scheme of things to a point that I tell myself, f*ck it, who the f*ck cares. We’re all going to die anyway – and that includes Trump, Elon Musk, Zuckerberg, Bill Gates…what have you. What we leave behind is our DNA through our offspring (courtesy of Mr. Dawkins), and our legacy, if we’re lucky.

“That’s why, I think, we have to be true and honest with ourselves, because that’s the only way we get good. I know that people I listed up there…are known for their fortunes and they’re all privileged in some ways, but if you think about any other respectable human beings – they all have their own ‘geniuses’ – their unique talents, gifts, skills, strengths – and they knew what it was, honed it/worked incredibly hard to get better, and became really really good at it.

“I feel like I’m writing off the tangent here, but… there’s not a single magical thing that will make this process easier. There’s no easy answer. You just have to go through it. I hear that muscles are formulated… by ripping and destroying it first, and then later through healing. I think it’s the same with growth. What’s worse is that growth is often in step-function, and not linear, so you don’t continuously feel the improvement. You feel stuck and that pains you, but remember that you’re maybe in the middle of growth.

“And.. those stupid idioms have some truth to it – no pain, no gains. I have no talent for brevity (obviously) but it also helps to remind yourself that, as valid and legitimate your feelings are, they’re also temporary and you ultimately have control over them. Feelings can’t exist without you feeling them first.

“I got really philosophical here, so more practical answers are – forgive yourself, accept yourself, telling yourself that it’s okay to take a break and stumble a bit, that you have to look after your inner child and remind why you started this in the first place – you wanted to be better, stronger, and wiser, and I’m sure that you’ve achieved a lot of it on the way already.

“Also, self-care activities like walking in nature, taking a bath, talking to a therapist, getting a nice meal, changing your environment, and doing something that you were afraid of doing.. can all relieve momentary stress and pain.”

– Startup founder

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Ikigai

“The one thing that inspires me is I ask myself every day ‘if today was my last day on earth how would I want to spend it?’.  I had my near death experience 5 years ago where I ‘saw the light’ and it asked me ‘Shayan, have you helped enough people?’.  I believe that we all have a role to play in life which is expressed by our own unique God-given gifts.  As we spend more time doing the things we love and are in service to others, we begin to function in a frequency which is very uplifting and positively contagious.  Find your ‘ikigai’ which is the cross section between doing what you love, doing what you’re good at and how you can make money doing these 2 things together.”

– Shayan Mehdi, psychotherapist

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Being alive

“The life.

“Maybe the answer seems to be a bit dry and oversimplified but if we are able to be present in the moment with no thoughts but just a feeling of being alive then we can feel the life.

“What inspired me the most is reminding myself/ realizing / understanding that I am alive.

“Being alive in this magical universe is equal to a miracle. Calculating the probability of some of the most basic interaction to occur under a random function to produce a basic biological structures such as a mono-cellular life form, is is very low – around ten to eight thousand+ (10 to the power of the 8000).

“To put it in a perspective, the radius of the known universe is in the range of 10 to the 28 centimeters – so that’s 10 to the power of the 28.

“Our life is a gift and a miracle and it has a purpose to it. Its not about me but about us – the entire planet and all the beings. We are all connected and we are all one.

“So, being inspired to be alive reminds that I am here to serve my purpose and do my best that everything I think, say, and do comes out of love and compassion to help the creation of more life and with good wishes reaches and benefits every single form life – all sentient beings without exception.

“Having that mind and having the the deepest gratitude for being alive right now is what inspires me so much that it makes everything else in life much easier to bear.”

– Startup founder

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To be human

“The one thing in life that inspires me the most in life is the capacity in which humans are able to grow and aspire to be better than the person they once were.

“I would like to express my gratitude. I am grateful for my family, friends and community. I am grateful to have met you! I also have to thank my body for handling everything I have put it through.

“I have to say that not everyone is inspired, but everyone can be inspired. I have had to fight that battle from a very young age. I have always been inspired. It began with food, then with community, then, into my appreciation for humanity. It has taken many years and many in-depth conversations with people who I would consider to be on a higher consciousness level than I to gain my current perspective. I also feel very honored that you would ever consider asking me this question. A younger Thomas only dreamed of having such an incredible group of friends and colleagues.

“Having this inspiration helps remind me that every day that I live and breathe on this earth, that it could always be worse. I still have a roof over my head. I am able to earn a living wage and put food in my belly. I currently possess all five of my senses. I am alive. To be human means we have natural weaknesses, but we have also been given many other strengths. I look at all the opportunities that I have been blessed with and will do my best to never take it for granted.

“You don’t know me all too well, but I have seen true pain. I have experienced true struggle. I have beaten the odds that were handed to me. I know what humans are capable of.

“I am inspired by what is possible by one individual.”

– Thomas Owen, Chef

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Family

“My honest surface answers to both questions were ‘I don’t know’ followed by a ‘wow, I am so discombobulated by this pandemic lifestyle that I am basically a robot on autopilot. My inward sight is blinded by something.’ I miss random kind interactions. My parents live in a small town in Maryland. When I last visited there before the Pandemic, an old black woman held the door for me at a shop I stopped at on the way in. She smiled at me with the warmest eyes you could ever see. I returned her the favor with a big warm grin and thanked her for holding the door for a weakling like me. She laughed and we started talking about the great weather and how excited she was to take her grandkids to the local pool that afternoon. I remember getting back into my car feeling high on life. I showed up and spread that energy to my parents. 

“You hear it your whole life, something on the lines of ‘it’s the little things that count.’ We don’t get those little things anymore. My interactions with people have been cold as of late because everyone is lacking these little refueling random moments. Instead now it’s death by a thousand back-handed remarks and soulless digital interactions. We are all experiencing it – friends that are turning to drugs or alcohol or an absurd amount of Netflix. Visiting your family puts a lovely hovering thought of ‘what if I give them the virus.’ Watch the debates? Ugh. 

“BUT there is also a silver lining. One, I have a newfound appreciation for normality. Second, my appreciation for family is at an all time high. People say ‘family is my #1 priority’ a lot but is it actually true? I spent a decade a thousand miles away or more with visits very few and far between. Now it’s truly all I care about. I am in Austin, Texas at my sister’s house writing this response because I am leaving LA to be near her (she’s the baby so being near her also means regular visits from my parents).

“This pandemic along with personal family matters over the last year has brought me closer to my family than ever. My need for the superficial is at an all time low. And whatever struggle is in the future has one hell of an opponent in me. The only thing I still need are those daily kind interactions with strangers and nature which Texas has in abundance.”

– Startup founder

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Empowering the future

“Lucky to be able to do what I love – help founders realize their dreams. Not many people are able to be their own boss and do what they love, all while empowering the next generations of leaders that will impact the world positively and fuel the global economy. Very grateful!!”

– Venture capitalist, angel investor

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The giving adventure

“If you are merely ‘making life much easier to bear’ you are starting with negative energy hoping to harness positive energy.  I wake up each day with nothing to bear.  I surround myself with positive energy and remove myself from negative.  In the last 10 days, I have donated to the Lowcountry Blessing Box Project (Boxes throughout the Lowcountry providing essentials, hygiene products, food, and water to low income and homeless).  This has been an incredible experience and knowing that for $20 I can feed a family of 5 without the need for recognition or some reward is beyond fulfilling.  The ability to use my publication to bring awareness and have others wanted to help is beyond words.

“I published my 10th book last month.  Writing is my way to share my thoughts and observations.  I also know people have related, shared and even used my poems to share with their loved ones.

“I have also spoken to a number of friends that feel lost, anxious or depressed.  I listen.
Life is about the adventure, the journey, and the wonder. It isn’t about bearing through to the end.”

– Mark Leon, talent acquisition executive, poet, blogger, editor-in-chief

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Humility

When I asked Chris for his thoughts, he sent me one article, where he promised an exploration of his inner workings. I was optimistic, yet it surpassed even my wildest dreams. While I’ll share some excerpts below, I highly recommend strapping on the seat belt yourself.

“We all have 24 hours in a day, and each of us can do something small or take action to really help change the world. I always ask myself ‘What are those meaningful moments and places where I can really make a difference?’ Whether that’s the transfer of information or the transfer of motivation, I am no different than anyone else; I have just always had a certain level of drive and interest to be the best in what I do. I am okay taking the long route. I am okay taking a route that allows me to have a 10x different. At the end of the day, I always think about the values that I grew up on and the humility that my family raised me with, but also the ability to have a modicum of free spirit, connect free spirit to accompany that humility.”

“I’ve always loved going into industries where I’m the one percent… There is a lot of opportunity for our voices to be heard and to have meaningful conversations. If I can focus on really doing the job right, then everything else can move the needle. For example, the speaking engagements I’m doing them now and then, but you have to remember that those things don’t really move the needle. They can help spread the message, but the only thing that’s going to keep you going and give you the opportunity to give back to other people is the work itself.”

– Chris Lyons, venture capitalist, founder, music engineer

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Perspective

“With everything that is happening in the world – I continue to keep spirits up and realise that everything in life is easy to bear, simply by knowing life can get significantly worse. While it may seem obvious, there are a few macro and micro influencers of this mindset. Obvious ones first:

1. I, and as many others in SF, work for a great company, in one of best cities / areas in the world and staying in a lovely apartment – millions, billions do not have the same life circumstances and no matter what COVID-19 causes – that foundation is more than many have and those in our circle should be very privileged to have that base.
   
2. We, and likely those reading your materials, will have a good education, will have tangible technical skills that can be put to use as the economy recovers, and will be in a strong place to join a company in the coming weeks / months / years and will have the choice – the choice to take on roles, to change jobs and while those choices are limited now, to chase dreams of living in a fantastic city like SF, NY or not, and spread to the countryside and work remotely from a beach hut, or a mountain cabin – as long as there is fast wifi.
   
   Many in the US cannot chase the American Dream – they don’t have access to climb the social ladder, the network, the skills, or the freedom to make a better life for themselves. The low income, poor neighbourhood residents who need to work several jobs just to get by – while potentially being exposed to COVID-19 every moment of their day – they are the ones that have it tough and need a helping hand. Not those who sat reading this on their latest MacBook or iPhone – have the awareness that as rough as things may seem, there are always people who have it worse off…
   
3. More personally, in the last 10 years, I have gone through a couple of specifically tough years – from investors pulling out of commitment investment to my company which ultimately forced it into liquidation causing friends – close friends and family – to lose their investment, to taking on vast personal debts to pay salaries / child care / bills for those employees, to losing partners due to the stress. Combined with lots of other setbacks and strains over the same period – some put on me by the greater world movements, some my own doing – but it got to a pretty low point in life.

So the way I keep motivated, or to still be inspired and motivated in this time, is that in the bigger picture – life is good, life is beautiful and we have opportunities waiting for us – patience is needed. I’ve worked through 2 economic crashes, the economy will rebound (think of a business idea that will help that or rise with the tide), job markets will improve (learn some new skills now), and stock market will still be doing ok…

“Back to personal circumstances, I’ve recently gotten engaged, we bought our first apartment together, I’m paying down those historical debts, I can play golf at some of the nicest golf courses in the US, and with a little bit of inconvenience, be sure to do my bit to protect the vulnerable community by simply wearing a mask.

“Perhaps, sadly, it’s having the benefit of perspective, and knowing, that even as sad and as difficult as these pressures are, it can get a lot worse but brighter skies are ahead…”

– Startup executive, founder

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Tomorrow

“My belief that I will live to see tomorrow is my source of inspiration to bear the greatest struggles and pain life throws my way. 2020 strengthened my belief in this. Many innocent, unsuspecting people lost their lives this year. In spite of all that, I am still alive today, and it would be a complete waste if I was not grateful to still be alive. For every day that we have life, we have another opportunity to enrich our experience on this planet. As such, I focus much energy on prolonging my life:

1. Health
   • Physical: If I don’t feel well, life won’t feel well. So I try my best to keep my body nutritiously-fed and fit.
   • Mental: One cannot see the beauty in life if their mental health is at risk. It takes a lot of strength to go through life given all the challenges we inevitably face. I introspect regularly and invest a lot of time and energy in ensuring I am happy, I feel great about my circumstances, and I am in control of the trajectory of my life.
2. Relationships: The quality (not quantity) of your relationships is one of the best indicators of life satisfaction. For that reason, I cherish the people in my life (although I may not be the best at showing it always).
3. Financial wellbeing: I don’t need a lot to be happy in life. If my income were below the point where I did not have all my needs regularly met, I would become singularly focused on increasing my income. After that point, it’s all monopoly money to spend on enriching my life however I deem fit.

“By ensuring the above three are always taken care of, I can focus on enjoying each day one at a time, with greater assurance that I will likely be able to enjoy tomorrow. Any pain I feel today could disappear by tomorrow, either through direct action or through happenstance. Either way, I want to get past that pain. And in the absence of pain lies a world of pleasure and joy. Until the pain returns. It’s a cycle, which I have accepted. Prior pain makes latter joy all the more satisfying.

“And if I was wrong, and I don’t live to see tomorrow (i.e. I died), then I won’t have a consciousness by that point to realize I was wrong. I still win by focusing on living today with the expectation that I will have a tomorrow.”

– Jamarr Lampart, software engineer

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Freedom with Family

“My answer to this is simple!

“I’m looking at COVID as an opportunity to spend time with my family. As we grow older, seeing family becomes rarer and rarer as we move away to different cities or get busy with work.

“I’ve been trying to stay positive and thankful for the time spent away from the office. Spending weeks working remotely from my families house, with my sisters and parents both home is incredible and I will forever cherish these moments!

“But it’s not uncommon, every week I  log onto work and see my coworkers on zoom working from their childhood homes… I hope that despite everything going wrong in the world, we can appreciate the freedom to spend time with our families :)”

– Christen Nino De Guzman, community manager, TikTok-er

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Possibility from experiences

“Hm, so your questions are inseparable to me because my answer will flow into both the positive first and negative second. I think it’s a question of which side of the same coin you want to see. But to strictly stick by your rules, I am leaning to shape the following answer to align with the first, first.

“Positive half:
I like to believe that there are infinite combinations of experiences in life, factored by time, people, locations and activities. This is to say, you can “control” all those variables and merely change one for an entirely new experience. For example, going to the same place, with the same people, doing the same thing, at a different time, or change something else etc.

“And it’s this endlessness of possibilities that keeps me going and makes life easier to bear. Because there can and will be always something novel, particularly if you line yourself up for these experiences, to look forward to. To sum it easily into one thing, it’s the “wonder of living” inherent in itself, to fully stretch to every possible corner of it.

“Negative half:
But this is also a curse. It comes from a perspective that the majority of life monotonous and boring. It’s full of just busy work and upkeep: maintaining your body (exercising, eating, bodily functions) and running the rats race of society (professional, academic and social milestones), all in hopes to escape the pains and negativity of life (hunger, shelter, balancing the id, ego and super-ego) to reach a content life (not happiness per say, because contentment should be the baseline). Drawing of my pessimist side, life to me is a series of hurdles one must cross in order to escape to something “better”. It’s this endless pursuit to improve that is rather frustrating and exhausting sometimes. In sum: the grass is always greener.

“Neutral centre:
However, one doesn’t need to be entirely lost in this endeavour nor consider it a chain for inspiration. It’s both and neither. At times and for some, it motivates, while others it’s a weight. Personally, I need to have something lined up to keep the experiences novel, and that does come at the cost of a more simple, perhaps deeper experience. There’d be more time to stop to smell the roses. But I believe this conundrum is worth it in the early phase of life, since I’ve got the rest of my old age to settle down. And there can also be a simultaneous blend of feelings, where after a hectic day, something simple as food or cooking is a delight and novel experience.

“Ultimately, it’s about striking a happy medium to feel comfortable with yourself. And that can always change with time and per individual. Being a human is pretty hard, I’d say.”

– Louis Q Tran, nomad, engineer

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The storm, volatility, and people

“At the start of the pandemic, I heard someone make the comment about remote French villages in World War I that barely saw any change during the entire course of that war. Or JFK who remarked that he barely realized the Great Depression was happening while he was studying at Harvard. ‘We are all in the storm, but we are not all in the same boat.’

“For the first two months of the pandemic I was quite scared at what might happen – especially at the potential economic consequences for me. Business slowed right down. But as May ended, we started to see things move again. As we start October, life feels relatively normal, but of course much less social than I would like. Most of the visceral fears simply aren’t there for me anymore. 

“What inspires me to carry on and tread through whatever life throws at me is my belief that hard times are a bit like weight training for future challenges. As a small business owner, the things that used to scare me 18 months ago have now become a trivial annoyance. It feels good to know the stuff that seems like a big scary problem today is likely to be a lot less scary when I encounter it again in the future. 

“Secondly, volatility is healthy. It brings new opportunities. An environment without systemic shocks becomes weak. It’s like a tree that has never seen a storm before. I strongly believe that the United States will be a better place in the short-medium term because of the second order effects that have accompanied Covid. People who chose to stay in San Francisco are now able to afford far nicer places to live in, as rents decrease. Across the country, towns are seeing a large influx of high earning tech employees. The difference between making $300k annually in Palo Alto and $300k annually in Boise is substantial, and I think a diffusion of this talent across the country will lead to a phenomenal amount of entrepreneurship over the next ten years. 

“Finally, and most importantly: the most crucial safety net is people. Money is very important, but it doesn’t buy you love. The government can help with rental assistance and food stamps, but it can’t provide you with a community who care about you. I’ve spent a lot of time and effort to build a supportive community around me of friends and family. Caring about others is also the best form of self care, so it’s an easy win win!”

– Sam Marelich, Managing Partner at a recruiting agency

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Giving

“My laconic answer is helping others. Helping others includes: giving someone a free cup of coffee; supporting a new business (please see my social media post of my support for the new PJ’s Coffee in my neighborhood); buying groceries for a stranger; letting others go in front of you at the gas station; responding to this email; checking on students so they know I care; accepting an invitation to join an up and coming podcast; flashing a quick smile (with your eyes because we are wearing mask) and asking a strange how they are doing; posting on social media in case it makes one person smile and feel a bit better; etc. etc. etc. In essence giving to others is what inspires me most during these times.”

– Dr. Kris Marsh, sociology professor, author

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Drivers and passengers

“Your question is biased. I say that because you’re telling me that it has to be something that inspires me that makes my life better.

“Inspiration is more like how can I find a way to drive my own life. You know, the thing that pushes me forward.

“When I was a kid, I’ve always been looking at the future. Hey, I was going to be better. School sucks. But I’m working hard. So, I’m going to go to a good school. I’m going to be an engineer. I’m going to work in the future. I’ll have those Nike shoes. I’ll get whatever, when I was a kid I couldn’t get. I liked stupid things. I would be inspired by successful people like nerds who ended up building big companies.

“At some point, the thing moving me forward and driving me into life was I wanted it to live for that. I think that’s good for the stage when you’re not in the driver’s seat. It’s like when you’re a teenager. You’re still exploring, and your parents are in the driver’s seat. You’re in the audience, by default. You’re a passenger.

“I was driven by someone else. I see people driving themselves and I want to be that person. I want to do that.

“Now I am in the driver’s seat. So now, it’s where do I wanna drive. So I make the most out of life, not just make life bearable. My reason to live; it’s in passion. It’s just experiencing things, learning things, diving into a whole new domain, getting skills, and just growing as a person.

“I love my job because I talk to a lot of people who’re so good. I’m genuinely passionate about it, even though I got into this field recently. In a way, they inspire me. There’s a lesson for me here. And this lesson is gonna allow me to live my life to a higher potential. The more inspired I’ve been in the previous days, the higher I push myself and the better I will see the situation.

“I also have a motto in life. It’s – maybe you’ll find it stupid, maybe – it’s something important to me. You’ve got to struggle to enjoy. Like it’s only by struggling that you will enjoy the things in life.

“Did I tell you this story? I had just talked to a company when we went for a client lunch in Half Moon Bay. The talk was okay. But they asked, ‘So [name taken out], when are you going to work for us.’ And I was like, ‘What are you guys talking about?’ And that was in June last year. And we started talking about me joining them and starting with them in September.

“But things didn’t go as expected. So I ended up starting on the 4th of January. I was pissed. It was a waste of time. It was like, I should have worked with them earlier, could have done more things, and we could have gotten some extra deals, et cetera.

“I was happy to work for this company, but I was generally pissed. And then COVID-19. I was like, ‘Shit, it took six months to get the job, but two months more and I would have no job. They wouldn’t hire me.’ And I changed my perspective and I became lucky.

“The situation was the same. I still had to wait six months, but perspective changes it.

“It’s okay to be low sometimes. It’s fine. When I had to shut down my company, it was one of the hardest moments for me. I had my company for three years, and it had been a long, long duration since I was out of college. Everyone was looking at me like, ‘Hmm, can you even be employed?’ Like you’ve been on your own for so long. And people were like, ‘But what can you do about it?’ So, it took me a bunch of months to find a job and I got super lucky. I came here and even at that time, I went from nothing and a hard time to everything. 

“Over a six-month period, I went from shutting down my company, left my girlfriend, changed countries and moved to the US to get a new job in a new domain. I also quit horse riding, which I did for many, many years. It was the most extreme change of life that I’ve ever had. I wouldn’t be surprised to do something similar in the future because sometimes you feel stuck.

“Last year, I felt this weight. I felt like I was stuck back on the passenger seat. That’s the worst. But that was last year. Last year was the hardest year I’ve ever had. I had a terrible relationship with my boss. But work is extremely important to me. My relationship was also not going well. I ended up leaving my girlfriend. And when I left her, it was like a nightmare. I had bed bugs in my apartment. And I tell you, it drove me crazy. I didn’t sleep for many nights. At work, people were looking down on me, even though I was doing a great job, like almost abusive. I was crying on my way to work. And on my way back home, I had to deal with my granddad, who was a person I admire and got diagnosed with cancer. The timing could not be worse. And all of a sudden, you’re just, Damn, it adds up. It was freaking tough.

“And when you feel stuck, you take it as a trigger.

“I’m very happy now in San Francisco, even though it’s been tough. But you work super hard, and you keep believing, right? And you keep, you keep working and then it happens.

“I’m so happy that I have finally bought my bike. It took me eight years to buy it. It’s my first bike. My own, you know? And I struggled to get it. I couldn’t afford it before.

“There are things that have been tough – tough in my personal life. My family passing away. But you’ll never be – no one is 100% of the time happy. That doesn’t exist. The question is more about how low can you go and can you bounce back.

“There are things which are extremely tough to live with. I’m very grateful. But in my case, I don’t have a crazy disease. I don’t have a disability. I don’t have a weight problem. I don’t have to put my life on pause for someone else. People around me are very healthy. Nobody is in a bad situation like drugs. But we all have our ups and downs.”

– Startup executive

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Only what you can control

“Everyday I look forward to my 30 minutes of workout. It’s something that I know I’m in control of, and it’s something that I know will yield results if I do it right and consistently. There are a lot of things in life that are not within our control, so I think it’s important to take a hold of things that are.”

– Quincy Huynh, PhD student

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Sharing stories

“I have answers for both of them. I think they’re very interesting. And applied to me, I’m a more positive person, so I would answer the first one. The secondary one, it’s the same question to me. Or rather, they’re very similar questions but one is how you choose to live your life.

“I have a story I need to get out.

“Whether it’s an animation, or a comic I’m planning on getting my story out in some way.

“That clear goal has always guided me. Throughout my artistic career, it’s always been that. And actually looking into why I wanna tell this story is clearly because the character in it is derivative of me. The werewolf is his metaphorical coming to terms with his black-ness – or what he is in the world where he’s different even from his own people. I never noticed that ’cause it’s such a weird, interesting psychological study on yourself when you’re writing a story. But that story I need to tell. I don’t see anyone else handling it. I see weird ways of people going about it, with like black transformation, which is like a thing that’s in Pixar and every single Disney movie, where you have a black character, but then they’re a frog or a ghost or something else for most of the story, which is a big issue. But I think it does come down to… I don’t always think that Hollywood is making that on purpose. I think that if there is any people of color, though there rarely is, I think it could be that they’re figuring out what their culture means to themselves and the society that we live in. And I know that’s a bigger, bigger discussion, but like for me, that clear goal – that clear want to create something – resonates with people and inspires people to be better, is really why I keep going.

“If I didn’t have my other projects though, my YouTube channel, Animators vs Games, all these other things I work on too, I wouldn’t feel creatively fulfilled, and I’d probably go crazy – and probably focus more on the secondary question, honestly.

“And that’s the thing, that secondary question you asked: What is stressing/frustrating you so much right now that it seems to invalidate everything else you’re doing? If I didn’t have other creative outlets, I would hate the industry and the wall that exists between black creators and getting their show made. ‘Cause usually… and this is a bigger thing. And I’ve talked to other black leads, you can get to the point where you’re senior or a lead, but it’s really hard to become a director, a show creator, or a showrunner. Because that’s power that needs to be handed to you based off the belief you can do the job. That’s something that someone needs to go like “Oh, you have X amount of years in experience but we’re still taking a bet on you.” I have white friends who have a show right now who never worked a day in the industry. It’s just how it is. But that’s if you focus on the negative and you don’t find these other ways to get your voice out with your audience online.

“Ya, that’s how I stay inspired, I focus on the creative things I need to create.

“I looked at both your questions and I have answers for both of them. And I know I’ve thought of both those questions constantly. But I know which one I prefer to lean towards because one leads to you being bitter. And when you’re bitter, you’re done. It’s like having a big ego. It stops you from being able to touch the creativity of the universe. And if you do that, you’re done. You’re not making beautiful music anymore. You’re not telling beautiful stories and anger is going to slow you down and steal your focus.

” ‘Cause I do look at the industry and think ‘Man, I was trying to start an animation company. I was trying to tell my story. I would be rolling in dough and having multiple shows by now, if I could have accomplished that goal 4 years ago.’ I didn’t. So what am I gonna do? Wallow in that I was right and self-pity, and it sucks to see these light-skinned creators get those opportunities. Or dust myself off and keep going. ‘Cause nothing happens when you’re bitter.”

– DJ Welch, concept artist, animator, YouTuber

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A blank canvas

“I love this prompt. I’m coming off of a complete mess of a month. I’m stressed, I’m frustrated, I’m sad, everything sucks; yet for some reason, I’ve also been more optimistic and creative than I’ve been for years.

“For context, a group of three other friends and I have been workshopping projects and ideas in hopes of launching a new venture-scale company (I know, gross). I’ve been working with my long time business partner (+ ex-cofounder and close friend) and two rockstar friends from the venture capital world. We’ve been booking Airbnbs around the east coast, where we’ve been heads-down on new projects. I recently quit the team, invalidating months of hard work and leaving the friendships worse for wear.

“I had trouble working with this group from the very beginning. There was plenty of miscommunication and arguments over seemingly nothing—fights that felt very reminiscent of the scrapes of dating and relationships.

“The biggest issue was a fundamental misalignment in how we wanted to live our lives. The other three were prepared to throw away their next few years in pursuit of greatness, and expected the same of me. I get it. When I started my first company, I felt the exact same way.

“Over the years, however, I’ve scrapped together a tiny island of a personal life—just a fraction of comfort and a bit of happiness—that I could escape to once or twice a week. I had it sanctioned off with caution tape marked ‘DO NOT PASS—IRREPLACEABLE’ followed by a desperate ‘(please…)’. The rest of the team understood, but they preferred pursuing a future in which they could look back and see a trail of success—even if it left them balding from stress and cripplingly alone. Unfortunately, they could never get over the thought that I wasn’t giving enough. And I always thought they were asking too much.

“After they lost heart in me, all it took was one kerfuffle for everything to fall apart. I tried to make things work, but just like in a relationship, this ship couldn’t stay afloat without effort and open communication from their side. I did not leave the team amicably. I lost an incredibly promising project, as well as some of my oldest friendships.

“I’m strangely relieved, though. I spent my last few months desperately trying to make multiple conflicting groups and lifestyles happy. It felt like putting together a puzzle in which the pieces barely stuck together and had to be glued in place. Now, I feel as I did years ago when I first left my corporate job to figure out how I wanted to live. I feel really good.

“So, re: the prompt. I’ve been rather creative as of late, despite my disaster of a summer. I’m happy that I stuck to what I really wanted. I don’t feel guilty anymore when spending time with people close to me, even when time that could be ‘better’ spent on work. I think what inspires me the most right now is the feeling that I’ve been here before—sitting in front of a blank canvas and being a little lost. There’s so much that I want to work on, and this time I have a better understanding of what works for me. I’m ever so excited to be proven wrong and break my heart again. I’m not sure I’m better off after all of this, but I’m happier and there’s so much to do!

“Dear David’s readers, I’m sure it’s been a stressful and frustrating year for most of you. My own misgivings might not resonate with you too much, but I’ve been impressed with how far modern storytelling has come. I find my own comfort in stories I can see myself in, so here are a few fun works of art (in one form or another) that I think encapsulate what it means to be a human being right now:

• Florence (game) – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florence_(video_game)
• Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Damaged Glory (book) – https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/41949311-someone-who-will-love-you-in-all-your-damaged-glory
• A Little Life (book) – https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22822858-a-little-life“

– Jimmy Yue, startup founder

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Laughing about hardships

“More like one thing that I realized that makes everything easier, not necessarily ‘inspired’ me, especially when dealing with human related issues, which is realizing that almost all humans make decisions towards their best interest. It is a little ‘dark’ but it definitely makes my life a lot easier. Every time I think that someone hurt my feelings or does unreasonable things, I would always think that, ‘Ok, he/she is only doing/saying that because it is the best for him/her, and there is nothing wrong with it. I would probably do the same if our positions were flipped.’

“Another thing that could help people. Life doesn’t work the way you want it to be. It is the norms, but that’s the beauty of it. You would never know what is ahead of you. 2020 is a tough year, tough for everyone in different ways. But on the other hand, it would be an amazing story to tell when we get older. Looking back, the stories I am ‘proud’ to tell my friends are things like, 

• I lost my passport in Switzerland, managed to get home without one but got detained in China – where I came from. I was ‘summoned’ by the Swiss consulate after I got home because they cannot believe I could make it back without a proper ID…
• My car got stuck on a log in a state park. My car got stuck on a rock in a hotel in Costa Rica. My car got stuck in the snow in Lassen Volcanic, no reception. I am still alive.
• I managed to visit a canyon in the middle of nowhere (no tourists… no people speaking English… or almost no people), where Google Map does not work. Almost starved and homeless, but managed to see the amazing canyon.
• This year was especially hard for me. 
  • I got off from a relationship where my ex broke up with me for one of the weirdest/unreasonable reasons ever.
  • My grandfather passed away on Valentine’s day, but I cannot go home due to COVID. 
  • Job searching took me almost a year, and almost everyone I talked to gave me a no without any reason. For one of the few that gave me a reason said that I had all the skill set and was completely capable, but she had a gut feeling that I was not right for the job. 
  • I went to the ER and got a bill for $5K and the doctor did absolutely nothing to relief my pain.
  • I am getting kicked out from my current house because the property management company did not get VC funding and went out of the business.
  • BUT… I finally landed an offer with the fastest and weirdest process. (Whole process took less than two weeks before I even put down my applications…) I got a new place with 70% of the rent I have now. My friends are still around me and showing all the support they could. Although I am still stuck at home, who knows what would happen next 🙂

“It feels like all of these ‘hardships’ would all end up being an amazing story to tell. As the great Chaplin said, ‘Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.’ So if you feel that life is hard, it is just giving you more things to laugh about later on.”

– Auditor, dancer, photographer

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In the hands of ignorance

“In our new world, this question I must stop at.

“What is life? I believe we finally all got an understanding by the perception being removed. So in response to your answer. Life inspires me. Breathing inspires me. The idea of working towards something greater than myself inspires me. What else inspires me? The way the sun falls behind the mountain, the moon follows me home. But…

“I will move forward with ‘My moms spirit this month.’

“My mother has and will always be a big motion picture figure in my mind. She shaped the way my foundational life was crafted and has continued to do that even in her absence. The hardest point of my life came from a phone call around 1pm, on a Saturday afternoon. Inspiration is only appreciated, once you have been crushed by the hands of your ignorance. In the back of my mind losing a parent before the biggest pandemic of our modern history, and hands down in the middle of one of the biggest race wars of modern times. The smallest thing might be able to inspire me! Which any other month could be right but this month….My inspiration and concentration is dedicated and honored for my mom!

“I would suggest your readers find the source of inspiration not from the things that have occurred in the last 10 months but to find something that inspired you when you were 6, and make it back to that feeling! The flexibility will help.”

– Startup founder

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Homeostasis

“Passion is an interesting word. It comes from the Latin word for suffering. I thought a lot about what inspires me so much that I can find the strength to overcome obstacles, but I kept thinking that inspiration would need to be a destination. The pursuit of which would be so consuming that it would invalidate the evils of life. But if passion is suffering then how can any pursuit be without it? I tried to find an answer to this question, only to find myself asking more questions. I’ll stay away from specifics but I think this really woke dude once said wanting leads to grief. So nothing inspires me because I don’t want anything. And I guess by formula I am away from grief. I often think of the hedonic treadmill—the human tendency to return to a baseline state of being even after drastically happy or sad life events. I guess that guarantee of homeostatic positioning is what allows me bear any burden, for as anything extraordinary in life, it too shall pass.”

– Recent graduate, cancer survivor

Frustration

What is stressing/frustrating you so much right now that it seems to invalidate everything else you’re doing?

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Differences, vulnerability, responsibility, and science

“To the stressors and frustrations I can list a few:

• As a society we’ve become so focused on what divides us that we are forgetting what unites us.  Throughout history this approach has proven to be the perfect recipe for disaster.
• People are so afraid of being judged that they focus on blaming others rather than sharing what they truly feel.  Which in most cases is some level of fears (justified or not) and it makes the situation even harder to bare.  Saying that something is wrong is really hard but taking the steps to improve the situation is even harder.
• No one wants to take ownership or be responsible. For example, I’m talking to retirement home admins (to help with their staff) and universities.  We’re seeing younger people (so you and younger…I’m old 🙂  ) do worse and worse. To the point that we’re seeing an increase in PTSD like symptoms.  But often I hear “well, their wellbeing is not my responsibility” or “we already give them access to a meditation app”…  Thankfully it’s the case everywhere but hearing these comments really make me question the Human race at times.
• People are losing faith in science.  And that’s a huge risk on multiple levels.”

– Startup founder

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Lessons yet to learn

“People seem to be more divided than ever, and we have not learned the lessons of the past.”

– Writer

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Information overload

“That’s a funny question. Since I am being bombarded with so much information to learn, I definitely think my studies are stressing me out the most. The material is very interesting because it’s amazing to learn in depth about the human body and how I can use that information to help others. It is frustrating, however, having to learn all the material in so compact a time, especially when I hear I must memorize another disease that has only been recorded 400 times in history! But with anything you choose to do, there will be good and bad, and with COVID, at least I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything :’)

“Part of the reason it’s frustrating is because Boards add diseases to our list of memorization that we will probably never see in practice. Another reason is I feel some professors ramble and it’s hard to follow their lecture, but that’s a me style learning problem!

“Mentally I am fine, more stressed/worried about not keeping up with the material :). Also not spending as much time with other people, so they become more frustrated. It’s only two years of intense bookwork! Then to some more fun things.”

– Medical student

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Remembering motivations

“I have answers for both, but I’ll answer the second question right now. The precarious nature of the academic job market (universities implementing hiring freezes, uncertain futures of all types of schools) seems like it’s coloring everything right now – I’ve given almost six years of my life to a professional goal that seems unlikely to pay off in the type of job I want (an academic position). So it’s hard to keep doing the work to finish strong when I keep asking myself what it’s all for. There are definitely motivations I can tap into that are not related to getting a specific position – but it can be hard to remember to do so.”

– Researcher, adjunct professor

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Headwinds

“I’ve been a pilot for 4 and a half years now. There’s no doubt that I love it. It’s been my childhood dream since elementary school to soar through the clouds with 4 gold stripes on each shoulder. I became a commercial pilot a little over 2 years ago, and have been working actively as a flight instructor for right around the same amount of time. I knew that this endeavor wouldn’t be easy, and needless to say there’s been a lot of unexpected turns on this journey. During this time I’ve not only learned a lot about being a pilot, but also a lot about myself.

“When people find out that I’m a commercial pilot, usually the first question they fire at me is:

” ‘What airline do you fly for?‘

“I’ve found over the years that this is actually a tremendously frustrating question. On the one hand, I would never expect the common person to actually understand the difference between a commercial pilot and an airline pilot, which are totally different things. I get that. On the other hand, it’s a reminder of where many of us are striving to work towards – the left seat of an airline cockpit. Being a commercial pilot is a very common stepping stone to becoming an airline pilot. For many aspiring airline pilots, it usually involves a few years of working a lower paying job as we ‘pay our dues’ to earn flight hours to meet airline hiring minimums. Being a flight instructor is arguably the most common example. Getting that airline job usually means an overall better lifestyle with better pay and benefits. Don’t get me wrong though – there are plenty of career flight instructors who sincerely enjoy their jobs creating new pilots who have no intention of ever flying for an airline (and they get paid quite well too). For years industry experts were warning about a pilot shortage, and indeed airlines were beginning to feel the pressure of having not enough pilots to keep their planes in the air. Smaller regional airlines were suffering the most and were more than eager to pluck young flight instructors out of their schools as soon as they hit minimum hours. If you were a flight instructor with 1500 hours, you were practically guaranteed a jet job.

“That was the case until January 2020. When Covid hit the globe, airlines slashed flights like never before. Within a few weeks, the world’s largest international airports were operating at barely 5% of their usual capacity. Flight crews and cabin crews were getting furloughed. Pilot hiring virtually froze everywhere, and 1500-hour pilots could never compare against seasoned airline pilots with thousands of jet hours on their resumes. History’s worst airline pilot shortage turned into history’s largest airline pilot surplus in a matter of months. Clearly, this has become unfathomably stressful for thousands of airline workers as their jobs disappear or hang on the line. For all the commercial pilots who had hoped to be soon hired by an airline, those dreams went down the drain and will stay there for the foreseeable future. The industry believes that airline traffic levels will not return to pre-Covid levels until at least 2024.

“Of course, I’m frustrated by this too. But this has led me to consider a perhaps less pleasant reality of this game that I play. It’s easy to blame the pandemic for the collapse of airlines, but were they really that powerful to begin with? I’d say it’s easier to argue no than yes. Airlines are actually a tremendously fragile industry that depends on factors well outside of their control. Oil prices are the easiest example. Fluctuating fuel prices can force an airline into unrecoverable debt in just a few months. We’ve seen the airline market crash before – in 2001 after 9/11, and in 2008 after the economy tanked. We’re seeing it again now in 2020. And as much as I might dread to admit it, it is going to happen again in the future.

“So is the prospect of not having an airline job in the near future stressing me out to the limit? Not quite. The story’s not finished yet.

“After all the explaining and the asking questions and people understanding why a commercial pilot usually can’t fly for an airline, I often get a rather depressing follow-up question from them:

“So when are you going to become a REAL pilot?

“Excuse me, you. I didn’t buy a fake plastic pilot license. I endured one of the most challenging courses available to the world and took a myriad of tests to get where I am. Just because someone isn’t an airline pilot doesn’t mean they’re not a real pilot. We are totally legitimate, we fly real airplanes and we are real pilots.

“But the image evoked when a ‘pilot’ is mentioned is, of course, a uniformed airline crewmember. So it does take some time for some individuals to wrap their head around the idea of flying a small lawn mower with wings attached to it (i.e. a small propeller plane, if you didn’t get it). The layperson is used to seeing views from an airplane at tens of thousands of feet above the earth, not a few hundred feet above downtown. Aerial photos of lakes, forests, and sunsets have led to immense feelings of awe and inspiration from those I share them with. In college, I routinely met people for the first time who were already big fans of my Instagram account, where I solely share flying experiences. And, needless to say, I was most well-known among any social circle for being a pilot. It was very easy for acquaintances to remember me.

“Whenever I reached out to someone that I hadn’t caught up with for a long time, somewhere in the first 5 lines, one of these would always pop up:

“How’s flying?

“I see your flying pictures!

“Are you still flying planes?

“Good, thank you, yes I am. I am indeed very glad that my unique skill has captured your attention. Ironically though, this has severely shallowed out many of my relationships with people. People often knew me for being a pilot and nothing else. Conversations were superficial and centered around asking me what it’s like to fly. Granted, part of this is my fault – as they say, the way you’ll find out if someone is a pilot is that they’ll tell you. Yes, true, but so often the conversation would stop there. I remember I felt like a rockstar when I completed most of my flight training in college and became a social hub, but it’s bittersweet looking back that the time I invested in training also took away a lot of time to build deep relationships with people. And now that the industry has collapsed and won’t get back up on its feet for a while, from time to time I can’t help but wonder to myself… was it worth it?

“It’s almost not fair for me to ask this question. I am quite privileged to have a number of fallbacks in case the airline gig doesn’t work out. I’m really choosing to stay because I want to, and because I am fortunate to still have my flying job. But every once in a while, I can’t help but wonder whether or not I’d actually work better in another field. It’s really the first time ever where I have seriously considered not continuing all the way to that jet cockpit.

“At the same time, when quarantine hit and my life didn’t change much at all, that really hit home. I really do value the people in my life, and it took a pandemic to derail my career plan for me to realize what a sloppy job I was doing at it. For some time, it was an incredible feeling of loss. Seeing all the people I’d stopped talking to and the bridges I’d burned to move myself towards that shining airline job that now no longer exists has been mildly haunting. It’s a disastrous feeling when I realize that the excitement and beauty of flight that I showcase to the world is masking up pinched relationships and a confusion about whether or not my lifelong dream is really what’s best for me.

“What a sad, sad, story. Well, is it really? No, not at all. First of all, I don’t have any plans to leave the cockpit for a very, very long time. Sure, the airlines aren’t an option right now, but they will eventually recover. At the same time, other niche flying jobs do exist, particularly in government services that I would be thrilled to be a part of. There’s definitely parts of being a flight instructor that I look forward to each day, including experiences that I am yet to taste myself. I have the best office in the whole world, and that’s hard to step away from. What about those burned bridges? Well, it takes time, and it isn’t easy, but they can be fixed if I commit to them. Time, patience and dedication are what foster quality relationships and I’ve already started dedicating more time towards that. It’s still in its early stages, but I’m already starting to feel a lot more love in the world.

“Are there still days where I feel like nothing I do matters? Of course, it’s only human to feel this way. But the future is yours to write, and you can change it to make things better. There are brighter days ahead. And remember, airplanes always take off against the wind; after that, the skies are yours.”

– Pilot, flight instructor

In closing

When I initially conceived this research, my goal was to only ask “What is stressing/frustrating you so much right now that it seems to invalidate everything else you’re doing?” I wanted to show my friends, my readers, and myself that we weren’t alone. That everyone is going through struggles in life. But I knew if I asked that, most people would be uncomfortable in sharing.

It’s not easy being vulnerable. Especially publicly. The society we live in has a tendency to hold our flaws against us, yet it is our flaws, not just our strengths, that make us human.

So, I added in a second question, “What is the one thing that inspires you so much that it makes everything else in life much easier to bear?” The goal for this question was to be the opt-out, in case people I asked weren’t comfortable sharing their answer on frustration.

Yet, in the process of adding in a second question, anonymizing the responses (by default), and forcing people only to pick one question to answer, as you see too, the vast majority chose to answer the question on inspiration. And in their answer, quite a few shared the struggles they went through, are going through, and will go through.

While I don’t expect every story above to resonate with you, I hope that a few, or even just one, do. While I wish I could have asked everyone these two questions, the people I asked are a select few among many others I have tremendous respect for and look up to. And just maybe, their answers and stories will inspire you to do more, have a little more courage, and spread the love.

Thank you.

Top photo by Ian Keefe on Unsplash

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Thank you again to everyone who contributed to making this blog post happen, including Brad Feld, Mars Aguirre, Shayan Mehdi, Thomas Owen, Chris Lyons, Mark Leon, Jamarr Lampart, Christen Nino De Guzman, Louis Q Tran, Sam Marelich, Dr. Kris Marsh, Quincy Huynh, DJ Welch, Jimmy Yue, and many, many more heroes who helped me and the world around us behind the curtains.

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For part 2:

#unfiltered #33 Inspiration and Frustration Pt. 2 – What Drives Some of the Most Resilient People Forward

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#unfiltered is a series where I share my raw thoughts and unfiltered commentary about anything and everything. It’s not designed to go down smoothly like the best cup of cappuccino you’ve ever had (although here‘s where I found mine), more like the lonely coffee bean still struggling to find its identity (which also may one day find its way into a more thesis-driven blogpost). Who knows? The possibilities are endless.

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