I started this practice back in 2019, inspired by two legendary people, but also that vacation responders are so boring. Why? If I’m going to take time off to have fun, why not make my out of office response fun to read as well. And so I followed through. Every vacation responder I’ve had since has always been… different.
The more I did so, the quirkier they got. And I found it as a fun creative writing exercise too. I took it so far to the point that of the many different email addresses I’ve been lucky enough to have over the years, I almost got “fired” because of my vacation responder through that email address. “You don’t seem to take your job seriously.” I do. In fact more seriously than most I’m led to believe. And I love what I do. Every career choice I’ve made I’ve made with the intention of serving the people I do serve with the utmost respect. Customers. LPs. Investors. And so on. But doesn’t mean I can’t have fun. I don’t take myself seriously, but I do take my job.
Then recently, having just gotten back from a break, a friend asked why I don’t share my vacation responders publicly as potentially inspiration for others to write interesting vacation responders. And I thought, why not?
I don’t plan to start a movement here. This may just be me and my own weird sense of fun and what makes me giggle. But in case it might offer you a little giggle as well if you haven’t emailed me when I’ve been out, sharing my last three vacation responders below.
Pandora
The date is [date redacted]. I’ve just been told that I won the government lottery to be shot light years into space to find answers – to go to the largest moon of the planet Polyphemus, Pandora. Nervous, but ready, I’m jotting this in my diary before I go into cryo.
[NEW ENTRY]
The date is [date redacted]. I’ve just awoken from the best slumber I’ve had in a long time. Only to be interrupted by this rude guy called Miles Quaritch. Apparently, I’m only allowed to address him as Colonel. He looks like the person Colonel Sanders would be if he did P90X instead of fried chicken.
I’ll be updating this diary periodically before I one day return back to planet Earth.
[UPDATED NOTE]
Training is tough. Got the lights knocked out of myself a few times. Now sitting with a black eye as I’m recording this entry.
[UPDATE 2]
Food is odd but good. Still learning when to use utensils and when not to. Seems like the general answer is to not to.
[UPDATE 3]
Ahhhhhh, they found us-…
[UPDATE 4]
Hell has broken loose!!
[UPDATE 5]
All is quiet on the western front.
[UPDATE 6]
Ahhhhh-…!
[UPDATE 7]
I’m alive.
[END TRANSMISSION]
I know I’m supposed to say I won’t be able to respond until I get back on [date redacted], but the truth is I’ll be lying out of my ass. In always having my phone with me, I will more likely than not see a notification blip pop up on my phone lock screen, assuming I still have service on Pandora. And I know that from time to time, I will need to interrupt my vacation to answer something urgent.
That said, I promised myself I’d unplug and enjoy my life as one of the Sky People as best as I can. So, I’m going to run an experiment. I’m going to let you decide:
- If your matter is really urgent, resend the email with your subject line preceded by [URGENT] and I’ll try to respond nimbly.
- Otherwise, I’ll respond when I return to the beautiful SF.
Escaping into chaos,
David
Feudal Japan
So….. I just watched Shogun. A phenomenal show. 11/10 would recommend.
Loved it so much I created a time machine. You didn’t just scoff at me, did you? Who are you to say that I can’t invent one? We have robots, quantum chemistry, DNA cloning, generative AI. Of course I can make a time machine.
Not to reveal my hand too much here, since I’m not sure the world is ready to accept a time machine yet, but an EKG’s ability to monitor micro-pulses and a quantum computer that can perform quantum calculations based on limited historical datasets can do wonders.
Anyway, by [date redacted], I will have been whisked away into the historic lands of Japan. Unfortunately, I will have very little reception as Starlink will have yet to exist in 17th century Japan. I hope to come back well-versed in tea ceremonies, bladesmithing, and with the honor of being a shokunin in a craft. On the off chance I get caught in the feudal wars between rising warlords, I’ve designed a failsafe that will pull me back into the 21st century on December 2nd, hopefully with all my four limbs attached.
I know I’m supposed to say I won’t be able to respond until I get back on [date redacted], but the truth is I’ll be lying out of my ass. In always having my phone with me, I will more likely than not see a notification blip pop up on my phone lock screen, assuming I still have service in historic Japan, which is possible since I’m using the neuromodulator in the time machine as the connection point to connect to 2024’s technology. And I know that from time to time, I will need to interrupt my vacation to answer something urgent.
That said, I promised myself and my partner I’d unplug and enjoy my time off as best as I can. So, I’m going to run an experiment. I’m going to let you decide:
- If your matter is really urgent, resend the email with your subject line preceded by [URGENT] and I’ll try to respond nimbly.
- Otherwise, I’ll respond when I return to the beautiful SF.
Cheerios and orange juice,
David-san
Outie out
I am told by my outie that he will be going away for period of time. And as I have gone through the severance procedure, as your humble innie, I will be unable to get back to you within that time. Not because I don’t want to, but I just won’t be awake then.
My outie has been quite stressed, but in the wellness room, they tell me he is loved and he has friends, and for these next few weeks, he’s spending time with people who love him.
I know I’m supposed to say I won’t be able to respond until I get back on [date redacted], but the truth is I’ll be lying out of my ass. In my outie always having his phone with him, our only mutual access point from the outside, he will more likely than not see a notification blip pop up on his phone lock screen, assuming we find a way to reconnect our innies on the outside, which should be possible as we have a master plan in place and an all-access card to make our innies’ voices heard. And I know that from time to time, I will need to interrupt my vacation to answer something urgent.
That said, I promised myself and my partner I’d unplug and enjoy my time off as best as I can. So, I’m going to run an experiment. I’m going to let you decide:
- If your matter is really urgent, resend the email with your subject line preceded by [URGENT] and I’ll try to respond nimbly.
- Otherwise, I’ll respond when I return to the beautiful SF.
Innie out,
David
Photo by Upgraded Points on Unsplash
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