I’ve been asked by many founders over the years, “How do I know it’s time to let it go?” And every single person asks me for some length of time. When I tell them I don’t have an “optimal” length of time that would do the question justice, they ask: “When do you usually see other founders you work with let go?” To which, the answer spans as far as the Pacific Ocean. I’ve known folks who work on it for six months before they called it quits. Others for seven years, without external validation. And then some who continue at it past the decade.
Who’s right? Who’s wrong? If I were to be honest, I don’t know. Rather I’ve always believed the independent variable here shouldn’t be time, but rather your emotional state. I’ll elaborate.
The “ideal” emotion to quit with
There’s a timeless apologue about a boiling frog. If you put a frog in boiling water, it’ll jump straight out. But if you put a frog in lukewarm water and slowly increase the heat, it won’t realize it’s dying until it’s too late. It goes to say that the more time you spend in the forest, the harder it is to see the forest itself. As such, this essay is for everyone who is stuck in the forest.
Andy Rachleff of Benchmark and Wealthfront fame has this great line. “I’d love to kill it and I’d hate to kill it. You know that emotion is exactly the emotion you feel when it’s time to shut it down.”
I really love this line because loving to kill something and hating to kill something are on two sides of a spectrum. Oftentimes, if you’d love to kill something, that means you haven’t spent enough time on it. It’s easy to give up on something you care little to nothing about. On the flip side, if you’d hate to kill something, you’ve spent too long on it. Often, an example of sunk cost fallacy. And it’s when these two distinct emotions meet at twilight that you know you’ve put your best effort in. It’s when you feel both of these emotions simultaneously that you can finally let it go.
As I rounding out this blogpost, I thought I’d post on Twitter to tap into the world’s greatest minds alive on Monday. And when my friend Sara shared the below line, I knew she had something better. Something I did not know that I would be remiss not to double click on.
So I did. And I promise the next few paragraphs from deep within Sara’s mind will change the way you think about quitting.
“You’re not a quitter, but you needed to quit a long time ago.”
“One of the things I learned over the years is that your intuition is probably right. It’s hard to trust though, especially when there is a lot of chaos or noise. Anything unstable from market turbulence to a toxic relationship creates that noise. You need to find quiet time to let your mind relax enough to think clearly.
“Sometimes if you’re anxious, it is hard to be in a spot that’s quiet or still. Don’t feel obligated to be in Zen meditation mode. Personally, I’m not someone who can be still. Instead, I find my quiet time when I walk and think around the water, where I live a block from.
“When I find myself caught between a rock and a hard place, I find myself asking the below questions with neither judgement, shame or guilt:
“If this problem was a house fire, what is my first instinct? If I stay, am I going to get swallowed up in it? Do I want to get a hose to put it out or do I want to add gasoline to it?
“If the answer is gasoline, is it because you’re beyond frustrated? If the reaction is to dump more gasoline, roast marshmallows, and walk away, that means it’s the point of no return. It’s time to quit or bring in someone else to get a fresh perspective. In these situations, the individuals involved tend to want to pick fights out of frustration. They’re combative. They can’t see any way through the problem, and they’re exhausted. It’s time to step away at least temporarily.
“In scenario two, if I’m just sitting there and watching the fire burn while I think about it, I’m stuck in indecision. Create a list of pros and cons, and really think critically about it. If you’re in a team situation, you need to figure out where the rest of your team stands and what the core problem is that needs to be solved in order to be successful. Sometimes it’s a team shift. It’s just one person who wants to call it quits, and the others want to keep going. If you’re in a relationship, you need to be completely honest with yourself and each other about what you both need to do to get things back on track and if you actually want to. The hard part about a slow burn is if you just stay stuck, you have a hard time recognizing when it’s too late.
“Thirdly, there’s the situation where I am motivated to look for the hose. I want to fight the fire. You need to think about what you actually need to do in order to fix the problem. If you’re short on capital, can you extend your runway? Be it sales, outside capital, or cutting your burn. If you’re short on talent, can you bring in world-class talent? Other times, you need to ask yourself does the market really need your product in its current iteration? You need to be really honest and look at it from a third-party perspective. If you don’t know how to fix it, you can always ask others for help. It might not seem like it, but most people are willing to help.
“The takeaway from all of this is that you have to suspend your own judgment and ego. You have to be honest with yourself. The right answer is usually the first answer. Trust your gut with what’s right.
“Sometimes the honesty will hurt. If you’re running a company, at some point, that might mean you might not be the right CEO for your company anymore.”
In closing
The hardest parts about building anything – be it a house, business, relationship, career, family, or passion – are starting it… and ending it. If most people had to pick, they’d say the former is more difficult than the latter. But if you truly love or loved someone or something, the latter is always more difficult. And while the above may not solve all your problems, I hope when the nights are the darkest, that Andy and Sara’s thoughts may light the way.
Photo by Alex McCarthy on Unsplash
Thank you Sara for sharing your thoughts with the broader world!
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Any views expressed on this blog are mine and mine alone. They are not a representation of values held by On Deck, DECODE, or any other entity I am or have been associated with. They are for informational and entertainment purposes only. None of this is legal, investment, business, or tax advice. Please do your own diligence before investing in startups and consult your own adviser before making any investments.