#unfiltered #40 Questions That Hone Your Emotional Fitness

As I’m gearing up for a few projects, I spent the last few weeks pondering on a number of questions. And to stress test those questions, I spent the greater half of that time asking the people around me. But in the process of doing so, I found 10 of the above questions sponsored the most self-inquiry within myself and others.

The Questions

Elad Gil, legendary angel investor, said in an interview late last year that “every startup needs to have a single miracle… If your startup needs zero miracles to work, it probably isn’t a defensible startup. If your startup needs multiple miracles, it probably isn’t going to work.” Was there a defining miracle, when preparation met opportunity, that got you to where you are today?

Similarly: Life is some percent skill and effort and some percent of luck. How much has luck contributed to get you to where you are today?


In 2005, a Yahoo! Exec once told the Alexis Ohanian, founder of Reddit, that they were a “rounding error” which Alexis then framed on the company wall as motivation. Have there been chapters of your life that were defined by strong opposition – externally or internally – and your ambition to prove them wrong?


Pat Riley, Hall of Famer basketball coach, wrote in his book, The Winner Within, “You don’t wanna be the best at what you do; you wanna be the only one who does what you do.” What skills, experience, or mental models do you have where you are the only person – or in extremely rarified air – who can do what you do?


Quoting Jerry Colonna in his book Reboot, how are you complicit in creating the conditions you say you don’t want?


Norman Vincent Peale, author of the bestseller, The Power of Positive Thinking, once said, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” Entrepreneurs are people who pursue impossible odds and enjoy the journey of shooting for the moon to become world-class athletes. Telling them no is like telling a 7-year old they can’t become an NBA All-Star. Odds are they’re not going to succeed, but the process of pursuing that goal makes it worthwhile. And in doing so, they become a stronger, more resilient individual than never trying to pursue it in the first place. In your life, what have you done or would you do regardless of the outcome of the pursuit?


Andy Rachleff, founder of Wealthfront and Benchmark, once said in an interview: “If we’re batting a thousand or close to a thousand, we’ve done a really poor job.” If your probability of success is really high, the likelihood of a big win is extremely low. To win and not just focus on not losing, you have to take big risks. And as per the definition of risk, you’re more likely to fail. Have you had a failure in your life that contributed the most to where you are today?

On the same token, have there been alleged setbacks turned out to be a blessings in disguise? Or, were there “misfortunes” that turned out to be fortunes?


Let’s say life is a game blackjack. If the first card you drew represents your journey prior to 2020 – face up – and the second card exemplifies your life from 2020 till now – face down, which two cards did you draw? And would you continue “hitting” knowing the hand you’re dealt?


I saw in a Quora thread once, “When you are happy you enjoy the music, but when you are sad you understand the lyrics.” When you were in your lowest of lows, were there words, phrases, or lessons that had profoundly new meaning to them?


Desmond Tutu, who won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1984, once said, “My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.” So, to borrow his words, what are the common themes between moments you’ve given up your humanity, either individually or collectively?


What is the narrative that you find most compelling when your inner weather is the most turbulent?

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash


#unfiltered is a series where I share my raw thoughts and unfiltered commentary about anything and everything. It’s not designed to go down smoothly like the best cup of cappuccino you’ve ever had (although here‘s where I found mine), more like the lonely coffee bean still struggling to find its identity (which also may one day find its way into a more thesis-driven blogpost). Who knows? The possibilities are endless.


Stay up to date with the weekly cup of cognitive adventures inside venture capital and startups, as well as cataloging the history of tomorrow through the bookmarks of yesterday!

#unfiltered #31 The Art of Running into Walls – How to Confront Fear and Fear-Setting

Last night, I happened to re-stumble across a sentence in my collection of quotes that caught my eye.

“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.”

Walter Bagehot
Journalist, businessman, essayist

The founder story

I’ve had this long-standing belief – which if you’re a regular reader of this blog, you’re no stranger to – that founders need to have a personal vendetta when building a business. They must have something to prove or someone they’d want to prove to. Building a business is finding where selfishness meets selflessness. In fact, I’d argue that’s true in every ideal professional career.

The path of entrepreneurship is one where resilience is the floor, not the ceiling. While I understand, it is not the only career path that carries this trait, it is the one I am most familiar with. And having asked 31 people, 18 of which are or have been entrepreneurs, I’ve learned that everyone, despite their job title or background, can be scared in the face of obstacles. Everyone feels fear, myself included. The question is what do we do next, after the feeling of fear enters our heart and mind.

Continue reading “#unfiltered #31 The Art of Running into Walls – How to Confront Fear and Fear-Setting”

Pre-gaming Cold Emails

It’s the holiday season again – my favorite time of the year! From Glühwein to Christmas lights and decorations, it’s the perfect time of year to tackle on many things that bring us cheer. When it comes to the people around us and in our lives, the holiday season is my favorite excuse to catch up with old friends and meet new folks.

‘Tis the Season to Reach Out

Outside the exciting, but tough world of venture capital and entrepreneurship, I enjoy spending time meeting brilliant individuals outside of the technology sphere. To the point, I made a New Year’s resolution half a decade ago that I’m going to meet one new person I’m crazy passionate about every single week. I’ve stuck with that resolution ever since. Obviously, it required me to find a way to get in contact with these amazing folks every week. From cold emails to calls to handwritten letters to knocking on their front door, whether it was going to be a success or not, each week provided me with a new challenge I get excited to embark. And I’ve found that I get the highest positive response rate out of my 52 weeks a year, the five to six weeks starting from Thanksgiving week until the first week of the new year – or in this coming year’s case, the new decade. Over the holidays, it’s true that people don’t check their inboxes as frequently, but it seems that most people who plan to reach out believe that too, and often stall until the new year, at least many of my friends and coworkers do – a sort of New Year’s resolution. Of course, I’m not saying there’s any guarantee in a positive response, but chances do seem higher.

I’d like to start off by saying that in the context of reaching out to individual people that I can imagine becoming friends with, I don’t have any holistic templates for cold emails, outside of a few sentences, which I’ll share in this post. To me, writing a cold email is a labor of love, and it really pays off when I make the content as relevant to the addressee as possible. On the flip side, if the purpose is to spray-and-pray or to gain leads in a funnel, this post may not be entirely pertinent, though there may be sprinkles of fortune scattered below in how I explore the mental maze in sending a cold email.

The Warm Up

Having spent almost a decade in competitive swimming, the first, and probably the most rewarding, yet most underappreciated, exercise I learned was visualization. Visualization comes in two parts: 1) Seeing myself win the race and get my desired time, and 2) Being prepared for any possible resistance or friction to winning. Don’t get me wrong; the race itself is important, but about a year into my swimming career, I started competing increasingly with athletes that were of a similar caliber as I was, where the margin between our best times existed in the milliseconds. And arguably, what makes or breaks the race is how mentally prepared you are before your race even begins – what all the 30-40 hour training weeks will amount to.

It’s the same when I send cold emails. I used to think I was special, having gotten into an amazing university, some of the most competitive and “elite” organizations on campus, and so on. Truth is it was all bullcrap! And sending those cold emails was one element that grounded me. A cold email is nothing but another tick in their inbox – nothing more, nothing less. I’m not allocated more real estate on the virtual battlefield. In fact, in some ways, you could even say I can’t even pay-to-win. If I’m punching above my weight class, then I was and am another competitor, competing for a limited, finite resource: attention.

Jeff Bezos once said:

“If everything you do needs to work on a three-year time horizon, then you’re competing against a lot of people. But if you’re willing to invest on a seven-year time horizon, you’re now competing against a fraction of those people, because very few companies are willing to do that.

“At Amazon we like things to work in five to seven years. We’re willing to plant seeds, let them grow and we’re very stubborn. We say we’re stubborn on vision and flexible on details.”

Although he said this in relation to building a company, it’s equally true in the competitive landscape of sending a cold email. You have to be willing to push your time horizon beyond any of your competitors. Or in other words, be prepared to go the distance – to play the long game.

What does that mean? Any permutation of creativity juices, like letters sent via messenger pigeon (or turtle doves for this time of year), and recurring emails works. The most important thing to keep in mind, when playing the long game, is cadence and commitment. My default is usually one email a week, usually Monday or Tuesday morning, up to three weeks, with each one showing the positive delta in knowledge acquisition compared to the past week, but still need help in their respective expertise on a particular topic.

Some of my friends and founders I met have tried more extreme versions of what I do. For example, one persistent founder I know once sent the same email every day at 9AM for three months to finally get a meeting with an executive at a major entertainment studio. Another sent the same pitch email to a well-renowned investor every week for a year, and now they’re best buds and play pick-up games every month. The disclaimer is that these may be edge cases, but do be cognizant to never overstay your welcome. If you’re asked to stop, stop.

When should I send a cold email?

On a macro scale, two overarching themes that run in my head are my personal resource availability and timing.

Personal Resource Availability

Outside of the obvious answer of trying to get in touch with someone outside of my immediate network, the question would be better phrased as: When can I not get a solid warm intro? I used to think all warm intros were the same, and that a warm intro is always better than a cold email. Truth is: it’s not always. There’s a huge spectrum to how great (or not) a warm intro can be.

Let’s think about it from the perspective of a Net Promoter Score (NPS). We may all be familiar with the question:

One a scale of 1-10, how likely are you to recommend this product to your friend?

We’ve most likely seen it when filling out a survey after you used or bought a product or service. It’s how businesses measure your satisfaction of their product or service. Although one might think that five is average, anything greater than five is above average, and anything less is below average, the truth is most people regress to filling out ‘7’. ‘7’ is a proxy for not offending anyone but at the same time, saying the the product or service was “okay.” Businesses usually measure 7’s and 8’s as okay, where the real breadwinners are the 9’s and 10’s. Similarly, when I seek or decide to give warm intros, it really comes down to: Can I get or give a 9 or 10-score warm intro? In my head, it subsequently creates a binary scale: a solid warm intro (score = 9 or 10) and a weak warm intro (score ≤ 8).

Subsequently, when should I send a cold email is answered by… whenever I can’t get a solid warm intro.

Solid Warm Intro > Cold Email > Weak Warm Intro

Now, it begs: what are the characteristics of a warm intro? This is decided in two parts: content and matchmaker.

I characterize content in three parts: the subject, the introduction, and the ask. The subject is meant to attract and describe the purpose of the email. The introduction is to explain who I am. The ask, and probably the most important bit, which has to be clear from the beginning, is what I want out of the introduction. With the first introduction, and also for the cold email, I keep it simple to one of two things, depending on the other person’s bandwidth:

  • A 20-minute call or in-person chat (Note: If I go with this option, and the person accepts, I follow up with 2-3 questions I plan to ask during the chat)
  • One burning question

To make it easier for the matchmaker, I often send them a short two to three sentences that summarizes the above, and can easily be forwarded along. My goal is to make it as easy and simple for both the matchmaker and the person I want to get in touch with.

The matchmaker, or the person referring me, is any one or a combination of the following:

  • A subject-matter expert (SME) in my respective field, defined by having a track record for success and external validation by other thought leaders;
  • Someone who knows me (and my work) well, capable of succinctly describing what I’m working on and me, and is excited for me;
  • And/or, someone who knows the person I want to get in touch with well, where the matchmaker is either the first 100 names the person receiving the introduction thinks of, or the first five names in that given field.

Timing

Timing is crucial. And to measure it, I ask myself four questions:

  1. Where are they (in life)?
  2. Where am I (in life)?
  3. What is my purpose?
  4. How can they win?

Where are they (in life)? Is the person I want to get in touch with busy tackling a new project? Preparing for a new baby? Switching careers? On a holiday vacation? If the person has a large presence on social media, most of these can be found online. Take special notice of the inflection points and outliers in their life. Some are more obvious than others. Of course, they’ll be willing to talk about the moments in their life when their second derivative was positive, but I think there’s a bigger story behind the moments when second derivative was negative. Of course, it may be something I bring up later in the conversation depending on how openly vulnerable the person I’m reaching out to naturally is. If the person has a limited presence online, it’s best to ask the matchmaker or mutual friends and connections. Sometimes, I just can’t find evidence of his/her bandwidth anywhere, so I preface my cold email ask with:

I know you’re extremely busy as is. If this does surface in your inbox and you have the time to reply, I’m grateful if you could [insert ask]. Otherwise, I’ll reconnect in one month.

Leaving room for people to not feel bad to say no, and making sure to follow up have been the two hallmarks for me to potentially get a “yes” in the future. A “no” now isn’t a “no” forever.

Where am I (in life)? Have I done all the diligence I could possibly do before I reach out? Anything that is “Google-able” is not worth asking another individual, especially if I’m looking to punch above my weight class.

What is my purpose? Why am I reaching out? What makes this person special? Why might this person be the only one in the entire world who can answer my ask? If I’m reaching out in the networking sense, can I be this person’s friend for at least the next decade?

How can they win? Always give before taking. There’s plenty of literature online, explicitly and implicitly – on social media, in the news, in their public appearances – that would help arrive at what they might need. If I have to ask him/her how I can help him/her, then I’m already wasting that person’s time.

In closing

In a saturated market of information, product-market fit is defined by attention. So keep it personal. Keep it direct. And have some fun.