A Reminder of “Why I Love You” – Managing Downtime and Dynamics Between Fundraising Meetings

love, founder vc love, vc fundraising meetings

I recently read Mark Suster‘s 2018 blog post about startups on “Remind me why I love you again?”. As an extremely active VC, he specifically detailed why, unfortunately, by meeting 2, 3, and so on with a founder, he may forget the context of reconnecting and why the founder/startup is so amazing. And, simply, he calls it “love decay”.

Mark Suster’s graph on ‘Love Decay’

The longer it has been since a VC/founder’s last meeting, the harder it is to recall the context of the current meeting. Though I may not be as over-saturated with deal flow as Mark is, it is an unfortunate circumstance I come across in meeting 5-10 founders and replying to 100+ emails a week.

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#unfiltered #17 My Favorite Questions from Social Experiments – On Love, Emotions, Candor, and Goals

mirror, reflection, introspection, thinking questions, my favorite questions from social experiments

I’ve given myself the last two weeks to focus on introspection. Rediscovering cross sections of my life – crystallizing them in amber – to find where I can improve the most in. And in the process of doing so, I found inspiration in. I’ve known for a long time that I was, by no means, the smartest person out there. Arguably, my best ideas find the roots of their ‘originality’ in insights from others. From…

  • Friends
  • Founders
  • Investors
  • Subject-matter experts (SMEs)
  • Podcasts
  • YouTube videos
  • Academic journals
  • Blogs
  • And, really creative and really, really passionate people, where their passion is contagious.

… just to name a few.

But, that’s the best part!

Though it wasn’t my initial intention to do so, some of my favorite, most curiously introspective, most thought-provoking questions came from my guests during social experiments, particularly those who partook in Brunches with Strangers and Hidden Questions. Frankly, I can’t take credit for any of them. And just as I learned so much about them and myself from each, I hope you’ll be able to do the same. I don’t expect every question to resonate with you, but I suspect at least a small handful will. If so, my only ask is that you pay it forward in your own meaningful way.

Between 120+ guests between the two of the experiments, here are some of my favorite.

On Love and Emotions

  • When was the last time you said “I love you”?
  • When was the last time you wished you had said “I love you”, but didn’t or couldn’t?
  • Who was the last person you lost in your life that hurt you deeply (i.e. breakup, death, loss of friendship, etc.)?
  • When was the last time you uncontrollably cried?
  • When was the last time you genuinely smiled?
  • What emotion have you given an overemphasis on in the past year?
  • When was the last time you were disappointed in yourself? Why?
  • When was the last time you looked yourself in the mirror and thought “I’m killing it”?What might have sponsored that emotion?

On Lack Thereof

  • Is there someone you pretend to like but don’t? If so:
    1. What is stopping you from sharing your thoughts candidly with them?
    2. What is stopping you from liking them?
  • How many friendships do you regret having broken and never healed? Why?

On Candor to Others and Yourself

  • What are 2-3 things you look for in a person/friend before you are comfortable sharing a secret? How would you prioritize those 2-3 traits?
  • What are you dishonest to others about?
  • Why do you lie to yourself?
  • Over the past year, what have you gotten better at saying ‘no’ to?
  • What are some contrarian beliefs you hold deeply to be true?
    • (Also seen asked as) What is an unpopular opinion you have?
    • Who have you told? Or have you told anyone else?
  • If you could pass 1 value/trait down to your child(ren), what would it be?
  • If there was 1 trait that you could prevent your child(ren) from taking on, what would it be?
  • What is an unusual habit, or an absurd thing you love?
  • What is the best lie you ever told?
    • Do you believe it?
  • What is the most hurtful comment you once said, wrote, or expressed to another?
  • How often do you log on or log off of social media due to envy?

On Goals

  • Do(es) your long-term goal(s) scare you?
  • What’s the craziest thing you did for X?
    • Let X be any goal you’ve once had (i.e. job, relationship, family, grades, to learn, etc.)
  • What is something someone once said to you (good or bad) that keeps you motivated to this day?
  • What failure has set you up for success?
  • If you could title your own biographical movie, what would it be called? And what will it be called post-mortem?
  • What is your 10-year goal?
    • What’s stopping you from accomplishing it in 1 year?
    • If I held you at gunpoint, and told you that you had to reach this goal in 1 month, what do you have to do, starting from now?
  • If you could undo one decision you made in the future, what would that be?
  • What would you like to have written/said in your eulogy?

Photo by Nijwam Swargiary on Unsplash


#unfiltered is a series where I share my raw thoughts and unfiltered commentary about anything and everything. It’s not designed to go down smoothly like the best cup of cappuccino you’ve ever had (although here‘s where I found mine), more like the lonely coffee bean still struggling to find its identity (which also may one day find its way into a more thesis-driven blogpost). Who knows? The possibilities are endless.


Stay up to date with the weekly cup of cognitive adventures inside venture capital and startups, as well as cataloging the history of tomorrow through the bookmarks of yesterday!

#unfiltered #1 Urgency – Thoughts on Coronavirus, Innovation, Space Travel, and Love

unfiltered vc urgency

Coronavirus. Candidate primaries. Market crashes. And what motivates us to get shit done. During a bite with one of my buddies from college, we ended up chatting about a myriad of topics. From crying when we scared as a baby to eating when we’re hungry, humans inherently act reactively than proactively.

Let’s put it into perspective:

  • Wildfires in Australia and previously in California brought nature preservation front and center.
  • Because of the coronavirus, China set up a hospital in 10 days. Whereas in SF, it takes years to extend our public metro, BART, to just one more station.
  • In startup land, look how much innovation is being done on the SaaS front. Competition drives progress. A need to be better than your competitors, or perish. On the flip side, innovation at the frontiers of technology are happening at a much slower pace. You’re right in thinking part of it is due to an element of technological risk and mystery. But a large part is also due to funding, awareness, and urgency. I was catching up with another friend, not too long ago, who’s working on the frontiers of AI research. He told me that he’s just not motivated to meet any deadlines. If he misses it, “Oh well.” And if he does reach any milestone, there’s barely a pat on the back.
  • Neil deGrasse Tyson, and I’m paraphrasing here, once said (in one of his StarTalk Radio episodes): we think if we reach commercial viability of space travel or tourism in 50 years, that it’ll be really impressive. But it’s really not. Why? If, hypothetically, aliens from another galaxy contacted us today and said, “We’re going to invade your planet in 50 years”, we will have a different sense of progress. And if in 50 years, we can only just start to commercialize space travel, we’d be sitting ducks.
  • If you have a final in the morning tomorrow and you happen to be a procrastinator (or not), you’re going to be burning the midnight oil. Otherwise, realistically, would you be studying day and night every day?
  • Tim Ferriss asks himself this one question: If in 2 years, you’re set to die. In perfect health, and a perfectly natural death. What do you have to do before you die? What will you regret no having done? So, what really matters? (I lied; it’s not really one question.)

So, how do I induce a sense of urgency? How do I motivate myself when I don’t have any impending time horizons?

One, accountability partners. Friends who keep me (and me them) accountable to my goals, like my birthday resolution. Where in 6 months, upon failure, I lose $100. Or upon success, I get treated to a really nice meal.

Two, something I took from my good friend. I once asked him about how he continues to push himself towards new experiences every month. After all, he’s the kind of person who lives a life that makes me feel as if I’ve done nothing. In response, he said:

“Fall in love.”

“I don’t get it,” I replied perplexed.

“Because it’ll make you want to impress your crush. And when you go on that date every week or every two weeks, you’ll want to show off. And the only way you can show off is if you have something to show off. So, I don’t let my dreams sit. I get shit done.”


#unfiltered is a series where I share my raw thoughts and unfiltered commentary about anything and everything. It’s not designed to go down smoothly like the best cup of cappuccino you’ve ever had (although here‘s where I found mine), more like the lonely coffee bean still struggling to find its identity (which also may one day find its way into a more thesis-driven blogpost). Who knows? The possibilities are endless.

A Reason to Stay

Photo by Hayden Scott on Unsplash

In the first startup I joined, we messed up our initial business model by not providing a reason for small- and medium-sized business (SMB) owners to stay. We created a marketplace between SMBs to transact with each other. But, after the first one to three transactions, they had no need for our platform. The scary thing about marketplaces isn’t that you’re connecting suppliers to their demand network, but not providing any bonuses after onboarding – a reason to stay.

Some of the stickiest companies are marketplaces because they provide that reason to stay. More often than not, providing a lovable product so convenient, it’s much easier to use the marketplace platform than to do the transaction themselves, and an easy, passive way to be discovered by future clients/customers that would be much more difficult on their own.

Why Multiplayer Video Games Work

In his book The Messy Middle, Scott Belsky, Chief Product Officer at Adobe and founder of Behance (acq. by Adobe), a discovery platform where creatives can showcase their portfolios and engage with others’, shares that when crafting the ‘first mile’ experience, you need to optimize for three questions:

  1. Why are your customers here?
  2. What can they accomplish?
  3. What can they do next?

Arguably, I believe that founders should always have these three questions hovering above their product strategies, beyond the ‘first mile’, only embedded more implicitly. Video games do an amazing job in this regard, especially massively multiplayer online role-playing games, or MMORPGs for short.

Why play the game? Find escape and sanctuary to be someone players want to be but can’t in the confines of reality.

What can they accomplish? Achieve that endgame that players see in the trailers and in the tutorial (the onboarding for an MMORPG user). The endgame is self-defined as well. Of course, the game optimizes for the power creep meta endgame. Yet, players can always opt for a ‘destiny’, a story, they find compelling, like becoming a fashionista, a wealthy merchant, a mentor, a content creator, and with faster computing systems and more robust infrastructure, a contributor to the game itself, through user-generated content (UGC). The Steam Workshop is an excellent example of UGC.

What can they do next? Level up their character and gear. Tackle the next quest – main or side – towards something larger than themselves. There’s always a defined goal, as well as actionable steps and additional incentives laid out for the players. This creates high retention value – a reason to stay.

The same is true for many other types of genres of multiplayer games – multiplayer online battle arenas (MOBA), battle royale (BR), first-person shooters (FPS), and more. It’s just the narrative of the endgame may change a little towards leaderboard domination. E-sports, content creation, and live streaming then offers a new tier of recognition and endgame for many veteran players.

Back to Marketplaces

I’ve always argued that as a founder, you want to focus on unscalable wins before thinking of scale pre-product-market fit. Focus on the individual experiences. As Li Jin, partner at the reputable a16z, wrote in a post about the passion economy, “[great founders] view individuality as a feature, not a bug.” The best marketplaces, like Uber, Airbnb, and Medium, started off focusing on the unscalable wins for a small individual subset of their potential users. These products offered their early users a reason to stay:

  • (Additional) Incentives and tools, to make their stay worthwhile;
  • Discovery platform to help them grow their brand and customer base, actively and passively;
  • And, subsequent community and network effects.

Early adopters jump on a new product, as fast as they jump off one. They’re finicky. They’re window shoppers, but at the same time, the most willing and likely to try out your product. Luckily and unluckily, the San Francisco Bay Area has no shortage of these folks, and being a tech startup, with its initial user base here, often inflates your early metrics. In short, the goal of your product is to make these technological butterflies fall madly in love with you and your product. That’s the tough part, but it’ll also mean you’ve found product-market fit (PMF).

Where do we find ‘love’?

Instead of a minimum viable product, or MVP, Jiaona Zhang, Senior Director of Product at WeWork, in her First Round Review piece, chases the “pixie dust”, or what I like to call the secret sauce – a truly unique, money-making insight. This magic is found through diligent iteration on consumer feedback, especially in the beta stages of a product. During the beta, users have the serendipity to discover “that magical moment in the user journey where the user realizes that this product is different from anything else they’ve ever experienced”. Her framework, designed from the perspective of the consumer:

Wouldn’t it be cool if users could [a process/action that would 10X their lives]?

What We Learned

The same was true for us at Localwise. Of course, we were motivated by poor retention metrics. But, we learned what businesses truly needed by asking each of them in person, as well as flyering (and getting rejected, or worse, ignored) to college students and to shops. So, still deeply in love with the community we built, we found that need when connecting local talent to SMBs. For businesses with high churn rate with temporary employees and a need to build a brand, that was their reason to stay.