Yesterday, I grabbed a coffee with a friend – now a newly-minted manager. Between congratulations and hearing what she’s been up to, we dove into a rabbit hole about performance reviews. And out of everything she shared, there was one question that caught my attention:
What do you say “No” to now that you didn’t say “No” to when you started?
People are inherently loss-averse. We react stronger to losses than gains. Economic prospect theory has taught us that much. Essentialism, probably best popularized by author Greg McKeown, or a methodology that helps us differentiate between external noise and our internal signal, takes it a step further. For example, the questions:
- How much do you value an opportunity?
- And, How much would you sacrifice to obtain an opportunity?
… carry two different emotions. We take many aspects of our lives for granted. But when we lose any aspect of it – be it a body part, a friend or family member, or a habit – where we once lacked appreciation, we now find true value.
What we say “No” to carries layers of scar tissue – of our past we don’t want to relive. The French language has an incredibly apt way of describing knowledge. Savoir denotes simple knowledge acquisition. Connaître implies a familiarity with knowledge that is deeper and carved into one’s heart. When my friend decided to ask that question, she is looking for what her team members connaissent.
I love it! And I’m gonna steal it (well, with her permission)! For each time frame, we have a new set challenges to ‘pattern-recognize’. Founders have it cut out for them. And just by the nature of their work, they need to learn – fast.
Taking it a step further
Josh Waitzkin, author, chess champion, and martial arts champion, on Episode #412 of the Tim Ferriss Show, puts it quite elegantly:
“When I studied Tai Chi for a year, I thought I knew what I was doing. And I thought I was really started to understand it. But after 2 years, I realized everything I thought after a year was wrong. It was just wrong. But now I understood.
And then after 4 years, I realized everything I thought after 2 years was wrong. And he went on with this story and this pattern, but now I understood. And after 8 years, everything I thought after 4 years was wrong. And now I’ve been training for 16 years; everything I thought after 8 years was wrong. And now, I finally understand…
It’s easy to think we’re in the dark yesterday, but in the light today. But we’re in the dark today too.”
So, in foresight and honest vulnerability, I will take my friend’s question a step further:
What will you say “No” to tomorrow that you aren’t saying “No” to today?