Category: DGQ

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DGQ 4: How much would I sacrifice to obtain this opportunity if I no longer had it?

hands, sacrifice

I was chatting with an engineer exploring new opportunities yesterday. He was at an inflection point in his career and had two incredible paths before him. One, join a product or venture studio and get his hands dirty building different products simultaneously. Two, find a co-founder and start his own company. Both had immense appeal to him. And he was unsure what path he should take, in fear he might like the other path more once he committed.

The feeling of regret is often inevitable. Especially when you have the incredible options before you, but without the luxury of time. We often ask ourselves, “How much do I value each opportunity?” Most of the time we do a quick mental calculation. We look at the biggest value of each opportunity and their future potentials. For those who prefer a more nuanced approach, we create two (or more) long lists of the pros and cons of each. Both approaches are extremely rational.

Yet, there’s still something missing. Either something that gnaws at our conscious telling us, maybe there’s something we haven’t considered. Or realizing that in constructing these lists we’ve made the decision way more complicated than it needed to be.

Rather the question I find that offers more clarity is, “How much would I sacrifice to obtain this opportunity if I no longer had it?“

Humans are naturally loss-averse. We react more strongly to losses than we do to gains. For instance, we feel the pain of losing our wallet with $100 in it, than we feel the ephemeral joy of winning $100 in the lottery.

At the same time, we tend to take most things for granted until they are taken away. There are a million and one examples. We often don’t appreciate our significant other until they leave us. We take our parents for granted until they are no longer with us. The same is true for friends, homes, personal belongings, and memories.

I also prefer the nomenclature of “I” over “you”. Unlike rational decisions, where it is most insightful to abstract oneself from the situation, irrational decisions require a true introspection of oneself. After all, regrets aren’t usually rational.

While I can’t speak for everyone, my best decisions have often been a permutation of rationality and emotions. When the nuance of each decision leads to an incalculable algorithm and frankly, decision paralysis, I find it useful to channel emotional loss as a tool to make tough choices in life. Pursuing new opportunities, at least for me, is no exception.

Photo by Stormseeker on Unsplash

The DGQ series is a series dedicated to my process of question discovery and execution. When curiosity is the why, DGQ is the how. It’s an inside scoop of what goes on in my noggin’. My hope is that it offers some illumination to you, my readers, so you can tackle the world and build relationships with my best tools at your disposal. It also happens to stand for damn good questions, or dumb and garbled questions. I’ll let you decide which it falls under.

Subscribe to more of my shenaniganery. Warning: Not all of it will be worth the subscription. But hey, it’s free. But even if you don’t, you can always come back at your own pace.

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DGQ 3: The Alter Ego of “How are you?”

For a while, I’ve been testing a new opening line to a conversation that isn’t “How are you doing” or “How have you been”. Over the years, I realized the “How are you?” family of questions have zero substantive value. Repeat guest answers include “fine”, “okay”, and “good”. This family of questions are often placeholder for “I don’t know how to start the conversation.” And hold as much value as “like” or “umm”.

I will admit that sometimes people do mean it when they ask “How are you?”. Yet, oddly enough, in those moments, the question becomes twice as powerful when asked again in quick succession. “How are you really?”

Don’t get me wrong. Often times, my knee jerk reaction is still “How are you?” for more instances than I’m willing to admit. But I’m working on changing it. After all, I’ve already seen the amazing results of its alter ego.

This is admittedly less of a DGQ (damn good question) and more of a DGT (damn good tactic). Instead of asking a question, make a speculation as the icebreaker. The more detailed the speculation, the more engaged the response. In practice, adding a flare of exaggeration often helps lighten the mood, but too much and it might reflect poorly on your first impression. Metaphors and similes often help a lot.

Here’s are a couple examples that I’ve used in the past:

Instead of…Try…
What did you do over the weekend? If they look worn out, “You look like you fought tooth and claw with your two children over the weekend. Who won?”
If not, “You’re smiling from ear to ear. You look like you just cleaned the table at poker night.”
What do you do for a living?“I’m going to take a wild guess here. You’re an award-winning freelance designer who moonlights as a webtoon artist that just sold 50,000 copies.”
“Don’t tell me what you do. Let me take a stab and tell me if I’m right or right. You’re a recovering investment banker and found that you had a talent for music development
How are you doing?“You look like you’ve shaved 10 years off with that new keto diet.”
“That new dance class is really working out for you, isn’t it?”

Always default on positivity rather than negativity. And if your brain still goes to the negative, try adding in some lightheartedness. If you know the person already, do a bit of light research on their socials to give some credit to your speculation. If you don’t, observe their habits and apparel as a starting point. Comment on what you think they’re really proud of (i.e. physique, fashion).

People love to be heard, and letting people know that they will be heard before they even speak provides them the safety net to engage in thoughtful conversation with you.

There is a caveat. It works far less effectively when you’re in a short call and the other person is focusing on making a transaction than considering the potential of a long-term relationship. That’s not your fault. Some people are just like that, and it’d be a waste of your time to try to convince them otherwise.

As with all great ideas and tactics, this too is not original. Every time someone makes me really feel at home or when a friend tells me someone makes them feel like the most important person in the world in that moment when they converse, I observed their behavior. And many of those individuals, some who ended up being good friends of mine, used the above tactic in one way or another.

Photo by Jeremy Zero on Unsplash

The DGQ series is a series dedicated to my process of question discovery and execution. When curiosity is the why, DGQ is the how. It’s an inside scoop of what goes on in my noggin’. My hope is that it offers some illumination to you, my readers, so you can tackle the world and build relationships with my best tools at your disposal. It also happens to stand for damn good questions, or dumb and garbled questions. I’ll let you decide which it falls under.

Subscribe to more of my shenaniganery. Warning: Not all of it will be worth the subscription. But hey, it’s free. But even if you don’t, you can always come back at your own pace.

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DGQ 2: How do you differentiate a good founder from a great founder?

typewriter, good vs great

By far, this is one of my favorite and most recurring questions over the years. And not just in the scope of founders, I’ve asked the same question for a multitude of titles:

  • Investors
    • On a similar note, I’ve asked investors: What’s the difference between a great investor and a great board member?
    • And it yielded some insightful answers.
  • Leaders
  • Managers
  • Executive hire
  • Marketers
  • Chefs (both since I was co-hosting a cooking competition in 2019 and 2020, but also for culinary tips to improve my own cooking)
  • Artists
  • Software engineers (when you’re hiring folks who are in a field you don’t have a strong competence in)
  • Auto mechanics (yes, when you drive a 2009 mommy van, it visits the shop more often than you’d like, but also funnily enough, one of the most reliable cars)
  • Friend versus best friend
  • Life partner

… just to name a few.

I love this question since its counterpart is often asked: What is the difference between a bad and a good founder? Unfortunately, the “bad vs good” dichotomy usually ends up being a vanity question. You don’t need a trained eye and years of experience for the average person to differentiate between a bad and a good. If you’re reasonably logical, you can tell the difference between a bad and a good in any industry. There are a few exceptions, like art, especially modern or abstract art. But the case holds for most other cases.

On the flip side, to be able to differentiate:

  • The good – top quartile (25%)
  • The great – top decile (10%)
  • And the epic – top percentile (1%)

… becomes increasingly more and more difficult the higher up you’re going. As the power law and the Pareto principle goes, the top 20% accounts for 80% of the results. In other words, the small top-performing minority account for the vast majority of the returns. For instance, the top 20% of VCs account for 80% of the industry’s returns. And the higher you go up in differentiation – from good to great to epic – the smaller the delta in inputs between the tiers. There is a far smaller difference in inputs between the top 1% and the top 2%, compared to the same percentile difference between the 50th and the 49th percentile.

Having said that, to a layperson, the most insightful answer you can get that will save you years of mistakes and failures and industry know-how is the differential between the top performers. As such, usually, I get answers that would have otherwise required a keener eye, much smarter brain, a more resilient body, and a more differentiated path than I have.

For example, here are some answers I’ve learned over the years that differentiate the good from the great:

  • VP Sales hire. Their ability to hire two rock-star directors from their network within 1-2 months of being hired.
  • Chef. Their morning routine, starting from how they set their palate in the morning to how they build a robust supply network.
  • Founder. Their ability to raise their team members’ potential and how close of a pulse they keep to their operating expenses/burn rate.
  • Manager. How radically candid they can be.

Of course, it’s one thing to know what are the differentiators and another thing to understand the differentiators. The latter requires you to internalize and cut your teeth so that you can understand the true value behind the answers to the above question.

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

The DGQ series is a series dedicated to my process of question discovery and execution. When curiosity is the why, DGQ is the how. It’s an inside scoop of what goes on in my noggin’. My hope is that it offers some illumination to you, my readers, so you can tackle the world and build relationships with my best tools at your disposal. It also happens to stand for damn good questions, or dumb and garbled questions. I’ll let you decide which it falls under.

Subscribe to more of my shenaniganery. Warning: Not all of it will be worth the subscription. But hey, it’s free. But even if you don’t, you can always come back at your own pace.

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DGQ 1: What would the Future You say about the You today?

mirror, future you

Not too long ago, I published a blogpost walking through my top 9 founder questions that deserve more attention. In it, I detailed:

  1. The questions
  2. My rationale for asking each of them

Surprisingly, it did really well. A few folks reached out to me before that post, which inspired its due subsequence, asking if I had a repository of questions to share. And after, asking me to do more of such calculi.

While I’m compiling something of the like on the backend, with no real deadline, as it’ll grow over time, I thought I’d dedicate a series on this blog to new and old questions that come into my purview. Each paired with:

  1. Why I ask it the way I do
  2. In what circumstances do I find myself asking it
  3. And if applicable, how I build up to asking that question

And as bowtie to wrap everything up nicely together, I’m calling it the DGQ series. Or Damn Good Questions. Or it’s counterpart, Dumb and Garbled Questions. I’ll let you decide what each question stands for. But I’m really not the best with naming conventions, so if anyone has a better one, I’m all ears.

As the rocket takes off, I thought I’d begin by sharing the question that inspired me to start this new series.

What would [20+age] year old [name] say about the [name] that sits before me today?

For instance, what would 45-year old David say about the David that sits before me today?

I’ve heard many variations of this question, but the wording of this question in particular is an ode to my buddy, Matt, founder of nomofomo and UCLA’s President of Thought Lounge. After all, many of the best ideas I have in my noggin’ right now are not my own. This question is no exception.

There’s this great line from the song A Million Dreams, which I’m going to spare you my sad excuse for a karaoke singer, that goes like: “I don’t care, I don’t care, so call me crazy. We can live in a world that we design.” As luck would have it, I found it when I read Mike Maples Jr‘s piece from last year on backcasting. Which, if you have a spare 10 minutes, I highly recommend checking out as well. And speaking of quotable lines, he wrote, “The future doesn’t happen to us; it happens because of us. The future is not like the weather. It doesn’t just happen. People make the future. It’s not a destiny or hope; it’s a decision.”

He goes on to say, “Breakthrough builders are visitors from the future, telling us what’s coming. They seem crazy in the present but they are right about the future. Legendary builders, therefore, must stand in the future and pull the present from the current reality to the future of their design.”

Similarly, not only the greatest founders, but I also found that the greatest life athletes live in a similar mantra. It takes real courage to stand where no one is standing and decide that is the direction you want to pursue. You might be right; you might be wrong. But there’s something to be said about the clarity you will have when you live life under the assumption that you’ve already done it.

For example, I suffer from stage fright. But I find great comfort in visualizing myself doing what scares me the most again and again, until I get comfortable standing on stage. Imagining myself giving the same talk in front of one friend, 10 friends, 50 people and even 5,000 people. Each time I level up, I imagine the fear as well as the excitement that comes with it. Embracing both the former and the latter.

In a similar way, the way the future me looks at the naïve me of today helps me find the elusive confidence I need when I’m in doubt. Would future me look at today me and shake his head in disappointment or pride? What would he tell me to do if he sees I’m struggling? And when I myself cannot manifest the courage to take a step forward, my wiser and more resilient self will manifest the destiny I am meant to walk.

As Suleika Jaouad, author of the memoir Between Two Kingdoms, once said, “[The] act of writing a future dream in the present tense has really kind of helped assuage that fear.”

So ask yourself, What would the Future You say about the You that sits before me today?

I imagine even if you don’t find powerful answers, you’ll find powerful questions that will serve as guiding principles in your own life.

Photo by Caroline Veronez on Unsplash

Subscribe to more of my shenaniganery. Warning: Not all of it will be worth the subscription. But hey, it’s free. But even if you don’t, you can always come back at your own pace.

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