Five Tactical Lessons After Hosting 100+ Fireside Chats

microphone, podcast, fireside chat

Over the past 12 months, I’ve done over 100 interviews and fireside chats. While there are the more popular lessons out there, like asking follow-up questions and breaking the ice with your guest with a pre-interview chat or having rapid-fire questions at the end, for the purpose of this blogpost, I’ll be sharing some non-obvious lessons I picked up in the past year.

  1. Never start with a question on career.
  2. Ask your guest three questions before the interview.
  3. Do enough research to be literate in the subject you’re interviewing for.
  4. Prep the audience for questions.
  5. Ask Yes / No questions.

Never start with a question on career.

The first question always sets the stage for the rest of the conversation, especially how vulnerable and candid the guest would be.

The best question in my experience to start with is always a surprise to the guest, as my goal for every interview is to get to know the guest better than they know themselves at that moment in time.

For how you measure success… if that respond with, “How did you know that?”

In practice, it looks a little something like… “I want to start this chat a little off-center. In the process of doing homework for this conversation, I came across the name: Bootstrapping Bill*. Could you share what that name means to you?”

*Footnote: This can be a high school or college nickname or an activity that they were heavily involved in that’s not related to their current career. Or a role model they had when they were younger. Other starter questions can be about quirks they used to have or still have that are:

  1. Not embarrassing
  2. Something that only they have.

For example, for some of my interviewees, I found out:

  • That someone used to write code on a notepad
  • A longtime fandom around Gary Keller
  • A nickname the guest used back in his street dancing days
  • A class they really enjoyed taking in college and an art professor who inspired her to pursue entrepreneurship
  • Someone who used to walk by foot 15 hours one-way just to go to a library in Cairo to download PDFs of Stanford research papers to take home and study

Of course eventually it all has to tie back to the topic at hand, which is usually through a trait they developed early on that created the person they are today. Grit. Creativity. Rebelliousness. Kindness. And so on.

Ask your guest three questions before the interview

To piggyback on the above lesson, don’t touch things that are highly personal and risqué, like their social security number or their divorce. The latter without their explicit permission. You never want to be in the situation where you make the guest feel bad. As such, in my email to them a week in advance with the questions I plan to ask, I ask an additional three questions to help give me parameters for the conversation:

  1. What would make this interview the most memorable one you’ve been a guest for even two years from now?
  2. Are there any topics you don’t want to talk about? Or are sick of talking about?
  3. Are there any questions you have yet to be asked, but wish someone were to ask you?

Of course, also share the questions that you plan to ask before the interview. Leave it up to them whether they want to prepare for them or not. And if you do so, they’re likely to bring more robust and less generic answers for your audience. Unfortunately, not always true depending on the individual you invite and how busy they are.

Do enough research to be literate in the subject you’re interviewing for.

Unfortunately, not every A-lister will bring their A-game. Some have been busy. Others are distracted. And a handful of others frankly just don’t care. For them, this is just another talk they’ve done a million times. Not THE talk of the year. Even if it might be for you.

Luckily, it doesn’t happen too often. But it does happen. And as such, you can’t just ask a question. Instead, I like to give the speaker enough time to think of an answer. I call it the QCQ sandwich.

  1. Start with a QUESTION.
  2. Follow up with CONTEXT.
  3. And close with the initial QUESTION.

I’ll give an example.

“Since you just mentioned LP-manager fit / I want to switch gears for a second… I’d be remiss not to ask you about how you think about it. In your experience, how have you seen the best fund managers think about LP construction when they begin fundraising versus when they’re about to close the fund? To shed some extra color, I’ve recently chatted with a number of emerging GPs. And there seems to be a concentration of thought leadership around… [additional context] So, I’m curious, are you seeing the same? Or have my observations departed from the median?”

Most people either only ask the question or lead with context before asking the question (I’m guilty of the latter myself from time to time).

To be fair, you may not need to use this structure all the time. But for people whose answers are typically less structured and may need some time to formulate a robust answer, this is the play. A proxy for this is if their answers only get better the more they talk or if they haven’t had a chance to look through the questions you sent them beforehand, but they typically like to.

Then there’s the exact opposite. Even if the guest speaker is well-intentioned, in efforts to cram as much info into an answer as possible, their talk becomes overly informational. I forget which world-class podcast host once told me this, but he said that that every episode he does is 20% informational and 80% entertainment. The footnote is that the 20% has to be so insightful that it can carry the episode just by itself. The sign of a good episode is if the listener walks away with at least one thing they didn’t know before.

I go back to Kurt Vonnegut‘s #1 rule on writing. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

As the MC, your goal is to be the steward for insights. The spotlight is never on you, but the question is how do you support your guest in a way that they’re able to put the best foot forward.

Prep the audience for questions

There are two angles I usually tackle from when prepping the audience for questions.

  1. I tell them exactly what they can ask at the beginning and stay away from those topics so that the audience can ask during Q&A if they have no other questions in mind.
  2. Give the audience time to ramp up questions by alternating between live questions and my prepared questions even in open Q&A.

“We’re going to cover a lot of ground today from [topic 1] to [topic 2] to [topic 3]. But if I don’t get to all of them, and you’re still curious about them, please keep us accountable during the open Q&A after.”

And I usually don’t get to all of the above topics, which leaves room for the audience to ask them. Before I ask my “last” question for the interview, I also tell the audience to the effect of: “This is going to be my last question, before I turn it over to everyone present today. So for anyone who would like to ask X something, in about 3 minutes, it’ll be your time to shine.”

The big takeaway is that it always takes a bit of time for the audience to ramp up to ask their questions. And this helps seed some possible topics not covered in the interview so far, so the guest also feels like they’re not repeating themselves.

Since almost every interview and fireside chat I’ve done has been virtual in the past year, this second tactic is designed when you a Zoom chat but I find is still useful when you have a shy live in-person audience. I always tell the audience to leave questions in the Zoom chat at the beginning of the interview. That I’ll call on them when we get to open Q&A. More often than not, the Zoom chat is less alive than I would like. And when it is (and I admit this has only been a more recent discovery of mine), I say:

“We’re going to try something new. During the open Q&A, I’m going to alternate between questions I’ve gotten before this chat to live questions from the audience. So feel free to pop your questions into chat, as I start with the first pre-submitted question.”

I know some MCs seed audience members to ask questions at the beginning of live Q&A for it to not seem awkward. I’ve seen it work, but sometimes I’ve also seen those 1-2 people take control of the Q&A, where the rest of the audience doesn’t feel like they have the opportunity to ask their own question, so they turn passive. With open Q&A, I try to give my audience agency to determine the flow of conversation. Sometimes, they just need an inspirational nudge.

Ask Yes / No questions

For a long time, I had this fear of asking yes/no questions during fireside chats. The main reason was that I believed it would lead to a lackluster interview. The guest would give a one-word response and that we would have radio silence after.

But, contrary to my initial belief, I realized over the past year that yes/no questions are insanely powerful, specifically in the context of public interviews and fireside chats. I do want to note that they don’t hold the same weight in mediums that are known or sought for their brevity. For instance, emails and instant messaging. Where speed is the name of the game.

It’s specifically under the circumstance where there’s an allotted time and an expectation to fill the void with content that this tactic shines. The guest would more often than not feel an urge to fill the empty void with additional thoughts and context. In that moment, sometimes they share something that is more off-the-record than they initially planned. Of course, in realizing that it is, and since most of my fireside chats are recorded, I follow up with the guest after to make sure they’re okay with the recording.

As an interviewer, at the same time, I’ve learned to hold myself back. There’s an equal if not more powerful urge in me to fill the void with questions. After all, oftentimes, this is the audience in which I had invited, and feel my reputation is on the line. If you could see below the camera, I have a sheet of paper in front of me where I write “Shut up” to myself at least twice before I jump in.

In closing

While I share all the above, just like being a founder, you could do everything right and the interview may still fall short of being ideal. And when some interviews do fall on either deaf ears or I feel I was just unable to bring out the best in people, like many others, I wonder… do I just suck at being at asking questions? Or being an MC?

It’s an iterative process. And the fun part of it all is that it makes me a better investor. I ask founders better questions. The answers I get when diligencing are more valuable.

The above isn’t the end-all-be-all. I’ve written on this topic before, and I will continue to work to be a better interviewer. But hopefully the above serves to bolster your arsenal of tactics.

Photo by Keagan Henman on Unsplash


Edit: Added in a fifth lesson that’s too short for a full blogpost, but longer than a tweet.


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Any views expressed on this blog are mine and mine alone. They are not a representation of values held by On Deck, DECODE, or any other entity I am or have been associated with. They are for informational and entertainment purposes only. None of this is legal, investment, business, or tax advice. Please do your own diligence before investing in startups and consult your own adviser before making any investments.

DGQ 15: Which part of your past are you rebelling against? Which part are you running towards?

rebel

I forget where I heard this recently, but I thought it was a great breakdown of how we are all a function of our past.

When I first jumped into the action-packed world of venture, the most daunting part of the job wasn’t the spreadsheets or the modeling or asking great questions to founders or being a thought leader. It was the seemingly sustained extroversion that was necessary to be successful in the field.

Everyone, but especially the best investors, seemed naturally extroverted. And, well… I wasn’t. And neither did I want to be. To me, being an extrovert just seemed so exhausting. That said, it didn’t mean I didn’t enjoy every second chatting with amazing founders and investors. I was just — still am — the person who taps out two hours into a party. Three, max. In fact, I used to be a stereotypically shy introvert back in grade school. Comfort and safety were my best friends.

So, the reason I’m sharing all this in the first place is that we are all a product of our history. In the world of startups and VC, it seems like the best founders and investors were born extroverted and with great charisma. They were daring, rebellious, and ambitious from the start. They have these wild stories of how they broke the rules as kids and how each of those anecdotes made them who they are today. And somehow they turn each of the afore-mentioned into great Twitter threads. But I digress.

I, for one, have not had those same experiences. But when I finally entered college, I let what would have been some of my most formative experiences slip through my fingers – a freshman year crush, the opportunity to invest in a classmate who became a world-class founder, just to name a few. All of the above opportunities I was deeply curious about but didn’t have the courage to speak up. And I beat myself up over it. So today, my spurts of extroversion isn’t a trait I was born with, but motivated by the deep regret I used to and probably still do carry of my past inability to seize the moment. A past I am rebelling against.

And I know I’m not alone. Having chatted with numerous introverted founders and investors I deeply respect, I know I’m in good company. For those reading who fall under the same cohort, you are too. We just don’t speak out much, so it may be hard to tell that we exist. Of course, this is only one example among many in a cosmos of life experiences and characters.

So, as you’re charting your life’s journey and sharing it in an interview, coffee chat, or fundraising pitch:

Which part of your past are you rebelling against? Which part are you running towards?

And be honest. If you can’t be with the world, be so with yourself.

As a result of writing a soon-to-be-published blogpost on how limited partners (LP) think about investing in VC funds, one LP shared a similar line of thinking. For emerging fund managers (equally true for founders), why does this product/space mean so much to you? The answer isn’t just because you worked X number of decades in it, but something more fundamental. If you don’t have one, you might find your founder-market fit elsewhere.

Photo by Yeshi Kangrang on Unsplash


The DGQ series is a series dedicated to my process of question discovery and execution. When curiosity is the why, DGQ is the how. It’s an inside scoop of what goes on in my noggin’. My hope is that it offers some illumination to you, my readers, so you can tackle the world and build relationships with my best tools at your disposal. It also happens to stand for damn good questions, or dumb and garbled questions. I’ll let you decide which it falls under.


Subscribe to more of my shenaniganery. Warning: Not all of it will be worth the subscription. But hey, it’s free. But even if you don’t, you can always come back at your own pace.


Any views expressed on this blog are mine and mine alone. They are not a representation of values held by On Deck, DECODE, or any other entity I am or have been associated with. They are for informational and entertainment purposes only. None of this is legal, investment, business, or tax advice. Please do your own diligence before investing in startups and consult your own adviser before making any investments.

DGQ 14: Why does the world need another venture fund?

rock, big rock, small rock

If you’ve been following me on Twitter recently, you might have noticed I’m working on a new blogpost for the emerging LP. One that I’m poorly equipped personally to talk about, but one that I know many LPs are not. Hence, I’ve had the opportunity to sit down with a number of LPs (limited partners – people who invest in venture funds) and talk about what is the big question GPs need to answer to get LP money, specifically institutional LP money.

And it boils down to this question:

Why does the world need another venture fund?

Most LPs think it doesn’t. And it is up to the GP to convince those LPs why they should exist. For most institutional LPs, even those who mean to back emerging managers, to invest in a new manager, they have to say no to an existing manager. While data has historically shown that new managers and small funds often outperform larger, more established funds on TVPI, DPI, and IRR, when institutional LPs invest in a Fund I, it’s not just about the Fund I, but also the Fund II and Fund III.

For those who reading who are unfamiliar with those terms, TVPI is the total value to paid-in capital. In other words, paper returns and the actual distributions you give back to LPs. DPI, distributions to paid-in capital, is just the latter – the actual returns LPs get in hand. IRR, internal rate of return, is the time value of money – how much an LP’s capital appreciates every year.

It’s a long-term relationship. Assuming that you fully deploy a fund every three years, that’s a 19-year relationship for three funds. Three years times three funds, with each fund lasting ten years long. If you ask for extensions, that could mean an even longer relationship.

But the thing is… it’s not just about returns. After all, when you’re fundraising for a Fund I, you don’t have much of a track record as a fund manager to go on. Even if you were an active angel and/or syndicate lead, most have about 5-6 years of deals they’ve invested in. Most of which have yet to realize.

So, instead, it’s about the story. A narrative backed by numbers of what you see that others don’t see. Many institutional LPs who invest in emerging managers also invest directly into startups. I’ve seen anywhere from 50-50 to 80-20 (startups to funds). And as such, they want to learn and grow and stay ahead of the market. They know that the top firms a decade ago were not the top firms that are around today. In fact, a16z was an emerging fund once upon a time back in 2009.

Of course, anecdotally, from about 15-ish conversations with institutional LPs, they still want a 4-5x TVPI in your angel investing track record as table stakes, before they even consider your story.

Over the past two years, capital has become quite a commodity. And different funds tackle the business of selling money differently. Some by speed. Others by betting on underestimated founders and markets.

The question still looms, despite the cyclical trends of the macroeconomy, what theses are going to generate outsized alphas?

And synonymously, why does the world need another venture fund?

Photo by Artem Kniaz on Unsplash


The DGQ series is a series dedicated to my process of question discovery and execution. When curiosity is the why, DGQ is the how. It’s an inside scoop of what goes on in my noggin’. My hope is that it offers some illumination to you, my readers, so you can tackle the world and build relationships with my best tools at your disposal. It also happens to stand for damn good questions, or dumb and garbled questions. I’ll let you decide which it falls under.


Subscribe to more of my shenaniganery. Warning: Not all of it will be worth the subscription. But hey, it’s free. But even if you don’t, you can always come back at your own pace.


Any views expressed on this blog are mine and mine alone. They are not a representation of values held by On Deck, DECODE, or any other entity I am or have been associated with. They are for informational and entertainment purposes only. None of this is legal, investment, business, or tax advice. Please do your own diligence before investing in startups and consult your own adviser before making any investments.

DGQ 13: Could You Repeat That Question?

For the better half of my life, I’ve searched and am still searching to be a better purveyor of questions. And in my journey to do so, in searching for the perfect question for each situation, I’ve made mistakes. I wanna say more so than the average person in the realm of asking questions, but of course I might be suffering from availability bias.

The lagging indicator of which is the number of times I’ve been asked: Could you repeat that question? Or I didn’t quite catch that. Or frankly, just a puzzled look from the person I am looking for answers from.

In those moments, and it never gets old, I had never felt so emasculated. Moments that will continue to play a theme in my life. But it is in those moments when refinement happens. When I sharpen the steel of each curiosity. A forcing function for improvement.

In this world there are so many “lazy” ways to ask a question. Some may get the answer you want. Most of the time, you will be leaving secrets untold on the table.

Albeit a short blogpost, but once again, I was reminded recently that the only way to improve is by making new mistakes. And even after all the mistakes I’ve made and will continue to make over the years, I don’t think it ever gets easier. But I am able to jump back from a depressive state faster.

Cheers to new mistakes!

Photo by Varvara Grabova on Unsplash


The DGQ series is a series dedicated to my process of question discovery and execution. When curiosity is the why, DGQ is the how. It’s an inside scoop of what goes on in my noggin’. My hope is that it offers some illumination to you, my readers, so you can tackle the world and build relationships with my best tools at your disposal. It also happens to stand for damn good questions, or dumb and garbled questions. I’ll let you decide which it falls under.


Subscribe to more of my shenaniganery. Warning: Not all of it will be worth the subscription. But hey, it’s free. But even if you don’t, you can always come back at your own pace.


Any views expressed on this blog are mine and mine alone. They are not a representation of values held by On Deck, DECODE, or any other entity I am or have been associated with. They are for informational and entertainment purposes only. None of this is legal, investment, business, or tax advice. Please do your own diligence before investing in startups and consult your own adviser before making any investments.

DGQ 12: What is play to you but work to everyone else?

children playing, not work

What is play to you but work to everyone else? Or said differently, what do you love doing that many others would hate or get bored of quickly?

This isn’t an original self-query. I want to say I heard it years ago on one of Tim Ferriss’ episodes, but the exact one escapes me. Yet, recently, my friends and colleagues remind me of this more and more. In the ultimate shortage of labor, more than ever before, people are rethinking what career means to them and what a meaningful career means. I’ve had friends become full-time live streamers, NFT creators, inventors, fiction novelists, artisans… you name it, and I bet you someone that I know – hell someone you know – has dabbled or jumped head-first into it. It truly is the era of the Great Resignation.

Now this question isn’t a call to arms to leave whatever you’re doing. Rather a direction of clarity that may help you live a more enriching life. Something to pursue in your down time. Until you can find a way to get paid to do so – unless you happen to have 20-30 years of runway from previous riches. The same is true if you’re an aspiring founder. Work on your project part-time, until you are ready to take it full-time either with investment capital or revenue.

For me, the answer to the above question is:

  • Writing (to think)
  • Meeting, and more specifically, learning from passionately curious and curiously passionate people (what can I say, I’m a glutton for inspiration)
  • Becoming a world-class questioner (you’ve probably guessed this one from the DGQ series)
  • Collecting quotes and phrasings that resonate (a few of which are repeat offenders on my blog)
  • Helping people realize their dreams (something that was much easier when I only had 20 friends, but much harder when I’m adding zeros to the right)

Many of the above have become synonymous with my job description over the years. Did I predict I would fall into venture capital? No. Frankly, it was a result of serendipity and staying open-minded to suggestions from people I really respect.

While this may come off as virtue signaling, to me, I’m willing to, did lose, and continue to lose sleep over each and every one of the above activities. And if I know anything about myself, my goalposts are likely to change over time. Not drastically, but fine-tuned over time.

Photo by Robert Collins on Unsplash


The DGQ series is a series dedicated to my process of question discovery and execution. When curiosity is the why, DGQ is the how. It’s an inside scoop of what goes on in my noggin’. My hope is that it offers some illumination to you, my readers, so you can tackle the world and build relationships with my best tools at your disposal. It also happens to stand for damn good questions, or dumb and garbled questions. I’ll let you decide which it falls under.


Subscribe to more of my shenaniganery. Warning: Not all of it will be worth the subscription. But hey, it’s free. But even if you don’t, you can always come back at your own pace.

DGQ 11: Was the David from a month ago laughably stupid?

laugh fox smile

Was the David from a month ago laughably stupid?

I’m a big fan of self-deprecating humor, but this isn’t one of those moments. Rather it’s a learning moment. While the above question is a lagging indicator for personal growth, it nevertheless deserves to be measured. After all, as the great Peter Drucker would say, you cannot manage what you cannot measure.

The timeframe of evaluation

Why a month? Why not a week? Or not a year?

In the business world, there’s a concept called the rule of 72. Effectively, 72 divided by the growth rate is the time it takes to double. For instance, if you’re growing 30% month-over-month, 72 divided by 30 is 2.4. So, if you’re growing revenue at 30% every month, you’re going to double your revenue in roughly two and a half months.

It is equally as analogous for personal growth.

time it takes to shock yourself = 72 / rate of learning

Let’s say you’re a first-time founder, and you only knew 10 things about how to start a business. But every day, you learn one more thing – via podcasts, articles, blogs, classes, you name it. Give or take a 10% growth rate. You will double your knowledge in about a week. Hopefully enough to shock the you from a week prior. Or take another example, many self-help books ask you to commit to getting 1% better every day. Assuming you consistently do that, you would have doubled your experience in about 2.5 months.

That goes to say, the faster you want to grow, the shorter the timeframe should be for you to look back and reflect on your “stupidity.” For me, it is in my nature to be hungry for knowledge, and I really love learning about things I thought I knew and what I didn’t know. For now, as learning is a top priority for me, a month sounds like a reasonable timeframe to shock myself. I also use the term “stupidity” lightly and with notes of self-deprecating love.

The shock factor

But how do you measure personal growth? Something rather intangible. It isn’t a number like revenue or user acquisition. Some people might have a set of resolutions or goals that is tangible and quantitative – say read two books a month or exercise an hour four days a week. Great goals, but they are often based on the assumption that movement is progress. The two aren’t mutually exclusive, but neither are they synonymous. The former – movement – lacks retrospection.

There were, are, and will be days, weeks, and months, we may just be busy. Our schedule is packed. We’re a duck paddling furiously underwater. And we’re gasping for air. And while our body and mind are exhausted, our body and mind have not expanded. I know I’m not alone when I think to myself, “Wow, I did a lot, but I still feel like I’m not moving anywhere.”

Our brains are unfortunately also poor predictors of the future. We use past progress as indicators of future progress. But while history often rhymes, it does not repeat. Our predictions end up being guesstimates at best.

So I look into the past. I measure my own personal growth emotionally – by shock, very similar to how Tim Urban measures progress of the human race (which I included at the end of a previous essay). I don’t know what the future will hold and neither will I make many predictions of what the future will hold for me. If I knew, I’d have made a fortune on the stock market already, in startups, or on crypto already. What I can commit to is my relentless pursuit of taking risks, making mistakes, and trying things that scare the bejesus out of me. Since only by making new mistakes will I grow as a person. What I am equipped with now can be mapped out by the scar tissue I’ve accumulated.

Coming full circle, what’ll make me realize and appreciate my mistakes and failures more is knowing that as a greenhorn I was laughably stupid.

But if, in retrospect, David from a month ago sounds like quite the sensible person, my growth will have gone from exponential to linear. Or worse, flatlined.

For founders

And now that I’m thinking aloud – or rather, writing aloud (which may deserve its indictment into the #unfiltered series), this might be a great line of questions to ask founders as well.

As a founder, what was the last dumb thing you did? When was that?

And before that, what was the second most recent dumb thing you did?

And the third most recent?

There’s the commonly repeated saying in the venture world. Investors invest in lines, not dots. Two’s a line. Three’s a curve. I want to see how fast you’ve been growing and learning.

Why such a question?

  1. If we’re in it for the long run, I wanna assess how candid and self-aware you are. Pitch meetings often depict a portrait of perfection. But founders, like all humans, aren’t perfect. For that matter, neither are investors.
  2. Venture capital is impatient capital. We demand aggressive timelines, and honestly, quite toxic to most people in the world. Given that, if you’re going to learn how to hustle after investors invest, you’re going to have a tough time convincing investors. But if the hustle is already in your DNA, that bias to action lends much better to the venture model.

Photo by Peter Lloyd on Unsplash


Thank you to V. who inspired this blogpost.


The DGQ series is a series dedicated to my process of question discovery and execution. When curiosity is the why, DGQ is the how. It’s an inside scoop of what goes on in my noggin’. My hope is that it offers some illumination to you, my readers, so you can tackle the world and build relationships with my best tools at your disposal. It also happens to stand for damn good questions, or dumb and garbled questions. I’ll let you decide which it falls under.


Subscribe to more of my shenaniganery. Warning: Not all of it will be worth the subscription. But hey, it’s free. But even if you don’t, you can always come back at your own pace.

DGQ 10: Questions Should Not Be Perfect

perfect questions, reflection

Straight off the bat, you might have realized that the 10th issue of the DGQ series – damn good questions – starts off with a non-question. And it is intentional by design. I often waste a number of calories constructing the perfect question. And in many ways, I get very, very close to what I deem as perfection. Exhibit A, B, and C.

But over the course of constructing the perfect question and its subsequent research, I often uncover the answer I am seeking… before I even ask it to the intended designee. I don’t mean for the odd question here and there amidst spontaneous conversation. But the predestined ones to be asked in:

  • Fireside chats
  • Intro conversations
  • Coffee chats with individuals where I’m punching above my weight class
  • Podcast interviews
  • Social experiments
  • First dates (possibly self-incriminating)

Accompanied by the excuse of creating conversation, I ask it despite the since-acquired knowledge. Sometimes to the wonder and amazement of the recipient, but more often than not to the boredom of myself. While the words that flutter out of my mouth may sound like a question, it ends up merely being a statement rearranged on a NY Times crossword puzzle.

In reframing questions for myself, I realized… If I knew all the answers to the questions I would ask, that’d make for quite a boring life. While boredom only surfaced a minority of the time, it occurred noticeably enough times. If I had a mirror to myself every time I asked a question, I imagine I would find myself asking the ones I have the answers to already with a furrowed brow.

Last year, in the relentless pursuit of being a better host for structured conversations, I over-optimized for shock and delightful surprise. Shock became my unfortunate currency for my personal delight. Rather than enlightenment, education, and inspiration. In the construction of the “perfect question,” while protecting my downside – in terms of embarrassment, I capped my upside.

So, this essay is a reminder to myself. Ask dumb questions. It’s okay. It’s only by reinventing yourself again and again through the ashes of unintentional ignorance can you rise like a phoenix.

I’m reminded of a quote by quite a contrarian philosopher, Karl Popper, but nevertheless quite appropriate here. “Good tests kill flawed theories; we remain alive to guess again.”

If you’re reading this essay, be prepared for a lot more dumb questions from me. Dumb, not garbled. Dumb and simple. I’ll continue to do my homework before conversations. But if I’ve found the answer already, I’m going to keep myself accountable to either find new questions or cancel the meeting. Cheers to the motif of exploration! And I’ll see you where I cannot foresee.

Photo by Faye Cornish on Unsplash


The DGQ series is a series dedicated to my process of question discovery and execution. When curiosity is the why, DGQ is the how. It’s an inside scoop of what goes on in my noggin’. My hope is that it offers some illumination to you, my readers, so you can tackle the world and build relationships with my best tools at your disposal. It also happens to stand for damn good questions, or dumb and garbled questions. I’ll let you decide which it falls under.


Subscribe to more of my shenaniganery. Warning: Not all of it will be worth the subscription. But hey, it’s free. But even if you don’t, you can always come back at your own pace.

DGQ 9: If your house were burning down right now, minus your phone and laptop, if you could only carry just one more item, what would be that item you would save from the fire?

christmas, gift, present

This isn’t a new question. I’m sure most of you have heard of this question before. But recently, I realized how powerful this question is when you need an answer or answers for this time of the year.

You guessed it. It’s the season of giving. And holy frick, finding gifts to give during Secret Santa and to your loved ones is often much more of a dilemma than it should be. I know I’m not alone in that sentiment since the above question transpired as a result of the shared camaraderie my friends and I felt in choosing gifts. The more gifts you are expected to give, the more anxiety you exponentially feel.

So without giving away too much and to keep the element of surprise, I found this question immensely useful.

If your house were burning down right now, minus your phone and laptop, if you could only carry just one more item, what would be that item you would save from the fire?

You can always increase the quantity of items someone can save from the fire.

Some people give practical answers, which ends up being a rough proxy that they will appreciate more functional gifts.

Some people give answers with sentimental value. These individuals will enjoy gifts that have a backstory to them. The gifts don’t have to be expensive, but they carry significant value if they:

  • They come from the heart. Or…
  • They cost you an arm and a leg to get. Your gifts were the product of a journey where you went above and beyond.

Either way, the gift needs to be accompanied with a heartfelt card.

Hopefully, if you’re stuck without ideas this holiday season, this short blogpost might offer some inspiration.

Photo by Joshua Lam on Unsplash


The DGQ series is a series dedicated to my process of question discovery and execution. When curiosity is the why, DGQ is the how. It’s an inside scoop of what goes on in my noggin’. My hope is that it offers some illumination to you, my readers, so you can tackle the world and build relationships with my best tools at your disposal. It also happens to stand for damn good questions, or dumb and garbled questions. I’ll let you decide which it falls under.


Subscribe to more of my shenaniganery. Warning: Not all of it will be worth the subscription. But hey, it’s free. But even if you don’t, you can always come back at your own pace.

DGQ 8: What challenges are you facing right now?

tree, hand, help

How can I help you?

For those who spend a meaningful amount of time giving and helping others, that won’t be the first time you’ve heard that question. And it won’t be the last. On the flip side, if you’ve ever asked anyone else for help or advice, you most likely asked the above question yourself.

While it originates from positive intent, that question often falls short in execution.

  1. It is an open search query. Most busy people are context switching all the time. While we love spending time helping others, we don’t often think about how others can help us. I was asked this a total of 6 times over the past week, and I didn’t have an immediate answer for any of them.
  2. We force ourselves to think of an answer that isn’t always what we actually need.
  3. It shows you haven’t done your homework. I admit some people are more explicit with things they need help with publicly than others. Sometimes you’ll be able to pick up by inference, based on job title and time in their career.

Nevertheless, when you’re unable to find the answer to “How can I help you?” yourself, I default to figuring out what obstacles and challenges they’re currently facing. The question “What challenges are you facing right now?” is less of a question that is explicitly asked, but one of my main questions I need to get answered by the end of the conversation – no matter how long or short the conversation is. That said, there are fewer times than I can count where I felt compelled to explicitly ask someone I’m reaching out to help, “What challenges are you facing right now?”. I will admit I ask this quite often when catching up with friends.

So, what do I ask instead to find out what challenges the other is facing?

  1. Draw assumptions based on appearance and energy. “You look like you haven’t been able to sleep well for the past two weeks.” Then following up with, “What have you been losing sleep over?”
  2. Be willing to step up to the plate first. “I’ve been struggling with X this past week… Have you been struggling with anything recently?”
  3. Sometimes the best answers and insights you’ll get into a person’s life isn’t through just a single question. But rather, through just the flow of conversation. And subsequently, I don’t have any one-size-fit-all template to gauge that.

While I admit I’m still working on being able to close conversations well myself, being able to close a conversation is sometimes more important than the conversation itself. As Maya Angelou once said, “At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” On the same token, the end of a conversation will determine the aftertaste you leave in another’s mouth.

Quite often, I find myself closing off with: “You’ve been incredibly helpful. We’ve completely run out of time before we ran out of topics, but I want to be cognizant of your time. I’d be remiss if I didn’t at least try to be the same for you.” And depending on the conversation, I’d subsequently follow up with either:

  1. “You mentioned X earlier in our conversation, and I would love to send you some amazing resources on that before the end of the day today.”
  2. “I noticed that you recently tweeted about Y, so to thank you for your time, I compiled a list of Y that would hopefully save you some time.”

Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash


The DGQ series is a series dedicated to my process of question discovery and execution. When curiosity is the why, DGQ is the how. It’s an inside scoop of what goes on in my noggin’. My hope is that it offers some illumination to you, my readers, so you can tackle the world and build relationships with my best tools at your disposal. It also happens to stand for damn good questions, or dumb and garbled questions. I’ll let you decide which it falls under.


Subscribe to more of my shenaniganery. Warning: Not all of it will be worth the subscription. But hey, it’s free. But even if you don’t, you can always come back at your own pace.

DGQ 7: If You Had To Live Your Life Over Again, What Problem Would You Have Sought Help For And Whom Would You Have Gone To?

After an investor’s recommendation recently, I stumbled on this question in an article in The Atlantic about the Grant Study. An incredible 80-year long longitudinal study following 268 Harvard-educated men and how they developed as adults. While most of the Grant Study men remain anonymous, some have publicly identified themselves, like Ben Bradlee and President John F. Kennedy. Simply put, it was history’s longest study on happiness. There were some fascinating discoveries in that study so far, like the six factors that acted leading indicators to healthy aging:

  1. Physical activity,
  2. A mature adaptive lifestyle to cope with ups and downs,
  3. Little use of alcohol,
  4. No smoking,
  5. Stable marriage, and
  6. Maintaining a normal weight.

I highly recommend reading George Vaillant’s Aging Well. If you’re short on time, Robert Waldinger’s TED talk. But I digress.

Despite always preaching to others that they should ask for help when they need it, I’m a terrible practitioner of my own advice. Sometimes I find it incredibly hard to ask for help from others. In situations I should be the expert in. In moments when I don’t think my problems are as big as others’. And in times when I don’t know what I want. While I hate to admit it, it’s often a problem attributed to my ego. And sometimes, unwittingly.

If you had to live your life over again, what problem would you have sought help for and whom would you have gone to?

The reason I love this question so much is that in asking it, we suspend our ego. It’s often easier to open up about the “[potholes] in the rearview mirror” than “[open] up about the potholes ahead” to use the words of Jeff Wald. It’s easier to answer What were you scared of as a child? than What are you scared of today?. I find it easier to:

  1. Reflect on what I should have asked for help in.
  2. Understand why I should have asked for help sooner in an empirical situation.
  3. Then use those first principles to inform me when I should ask for help now.

Your mileage may very much vary. But nevertheless, over the past week, I found it to be an interesting thought exercise to go through. At the very minimum, something to journal on.

Photo by J W on Unsplash


The DGQ series is a series dedicated to my process of question discovery and execution. When curiosity is the why, DGQ is the how. It’s an inside scoop of what goes on in my noggin’. My hope is that it offers some illumination to you, my readers, so you can tackle the world and build relationships with my best tools at your disposal. It also happens to stand for damn good questions, or dumb and garbled questions. I’ll let you decide which it falls under.


Subscribe to more of my shenaniganery. Warning: Not all of it will be worth the subscription. But hey, it’s free. But even if you don’t, you can always come back at your own pace.